


The boy next door

by sharkinterviewee



Category: Brooklyn Nine-Nine (TV)
Genre: AU, Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Neighbors, F/M, Fluff, Girl next door, Jamy, Neighbors, Next Door, Peraltiago, Teacher Kink, accountant!Amy, boy next door, confident!Amy, it's all a big misunderstanding, it's gonna get so fluffy, jakes uncomfortable with emotions, just like real life au, like they meet some other way and they have diff jobs and end up falling in love, not a stalker i swear, teacher, teacher!Jake
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-08-30
Updated: 2018-03-03
Packaged: 2018-04-18 01:20:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 32,317
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4687034
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sharkinterviewee/pseuds/sharkinterviewee
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Amy thought her night couldn't get any worse after her car had broken down and she was forced to walk home in the most painful pair of heels she had ever worn. She found she was wrong when she noticed she had been walking in the same direction as some guy for the past 10 minutes, and when he kept glancing back at her she realized he thought she was following him. It was shaping up to be an awful night. Peraltiago AU.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Follow

This was just like Amy's luck. She could never catch a break. Of course Kylie had signed her up for a speed dating waste of time on a Sunday night, and of course her car had broken down on the way home, and of course Kylie was busy and couldn't even give her a ride home. Of course, of course, of course.

She slammed closed the door of her god forsaken car after she had crammed everything she needed into her purse before the tow truck took the piece of junk away. She was initially ecstatic to move to a smaller city last month, but at times like these she really missed the convenience of being able to call a cab from basically anywhere in Chicago. Still, Fairfield wasn't so bad.

Her feet were already killing her from wearing the shoes from hell that night, but she didn't dare take off the heels because there was no way she was making the half hour trek barefoot. The sun had just begun to set when she started off, but she wasn't worried about getting home before dark. One of the good things about this place was that it was always well lit at night, and she had some pepper spray as back up. She tried to just focus on how the sky faded from orange to purple splotches behind the buildings on the horizon rather than the needles she felt stabbing into the soles of her feet with every step.

Luckily she had been in the area long enough to be able to find her way home. She actually lived in a house, in the suburbs, which still seemed like a foreign concept. She lived in a house, with stairs and all- rather than the apartment she had grown up in crammed with eight children and two adults. Amy was reminded of song she read in history class about the conformity of suburbia, and had the tune stuck in her head ' _little boxes on the hillside, little boxes made of ticky tacky, little boxes on the hillside, little boxes all the same'_ and she remembered that the song was against the suburbs, but it was more of an anthem to her now. She was neither here nor there on the uniformity (actually, that was a lie, she was quite fond of the fact that everything seemed so organized and structured) but something about a house just seemed wholesome. Like a real home. She was happy with how her childhood went and her living situation was more than fine, but she had always fantasized about living in a house.

And she absolutely couldn't get enough of going up to her roof at night and seeing the stars. Sure she could only see about 30 (she was on the outskirts of a medium sized city) but that was 30 more than she grew up with from the light pollution in Chicago. So she knew she had made a good choice.

Even if Kylie might not have been the best roommate to choose when she wouldn't even rescue her best friend from the torture that was improperly supported arches. She had zoned out until she noticed the change of tone of the taunting click of her heels as the ground transitioned from concrete to cobblestone under her. She had reached the part of the city (that was really just a block) that was affectionately referred to as 'old town Fairfield', where the street and sidewalks were made of cobblestone and lined old fashioned shops, most of which were still functioning. There weren't a whole lot of people around the epicenter of the town when she first started walking, but the bustle had thinned out considerably. What used to be over 20 in her eye line had fallen to just four, including herself. There were two people across the street walking in opposite directions from each other, and one person only a couple steps in front of Amy. He was tall, brown hair, and had a pretty cute ass. And Amy had the presence of mind to realize that she had been behind that ass for most of her travel time. When there were more people around it wasn't too bad or strange, but now it probably looked like she was following him. Which she wasn't. They were just walking in the same direction.

Then Amy realized that if he noticed her, there was an actual chance that he would think she was following him. She knew she didn't look too threatening in her high heels and Kylie's over the top blue dress so he would probably assume he could take her in a fist fight if it came down to it, but her purse was huge and big enough to be packing heat. She consoled herself that he probably hadn't even noticed her (yet) and they were sure to part ways soon. She knew she was getting paranoid for no reason since she wasn't doing anything remotely guilty, but that didn't help much.

She would probably look like a maniac if he realized it, so she was left chanting in her head 'please don't turn around please don't turn around please don't turn around' over and over again.

Of course, not a moment later, he turned his head slightly to covertly glance at her, and she felt like dying. She repeated the mantra to herself that he was sure to turn soon and their paths would finally part.

And of course, of course, of course, he was still walking the same way five minutes later, and five minutes after that. After his fourth secretive check if she was still behind him ( _not_ following him) she decided she would wait a few minutes for him to get a head start.

That plan only lasted about 45 seconds because those shoes were agonizing. She couldn't bear to stand still for a moment longer, and Kylie's stupid dress was too fancy for her to sit on the sidewalk, so her only option was to continue walking. Even though a 45 second wait wasn't nearly enough time for the guy to get any distance between them, it probably made her look more suspicious like she was trying to hide the fact that she was following him (and doing a piss poor job of it). Soon they neared the field behind a high school that she used as a convenient short cut since it crossed into the middle of her neighborhood. It didn't lead directly to her house, but it cut down a good 10 minutes of her walking time since she didn't have to navigate the mess of streets down the road. And Amy knew better than to hope the guy didn't take the shortcut because it was obvious that life was screwing her over that night.

She was soon proven correct, and left with the choice of taking the long way round or going the same way she had planned on going the whole time and possibly seeming like a stalker. But damn, her feet were _killing_ her, so she took the option that would lead her to taking off her shoes in the least amount of time. It was definitely night by that time, but the school always had lights bordering the field every night, so when he looked around again Amy was sure that he saw her. And she couldn't stand it anymore.

“I'm not following you!” Amy shouted with her hands cupped around her mouth so her voice would travel. The guy spun on his heels and lifted a finger to his chest to ask if she was addressing him, to which she nodded vigorously at and jabbed a finger in his direction to drive it home. While the lamps provided enough illumination for them to make each other out, it was too dark and they were too far apart to be able to even attempt to interpret facial expressions.

“What?” He shouted back to her.

“I'm not following you!” She tried to be louder but it was no good.

“I can't hear you!”

“Just wait!” She yelled in frustration as she picked up her speed. She tried to yell as loud as possible, and thought the command was simple enough that it wouldn't be lost to the distance, but she had no idea if he would comply. Waiting for someone who could be a deranged psychopath to catch up to you probably wasn't a smart idea, but she was relieved when she saw him relax into his stance and shove his hands in his pockets.

As she neared him and got her first good look at his face, she noted it was a little bit cute, even though she pushed that thought to the back of her mind. Her quickened pace was made even worse since her heels sank into the grass when she was doing anything more than padding along, so she was actually relieved to take a small break from movement to stand before him and talk.

“I'm not following you,” Amy stated with a grave face. She did not need anything else to get messed up that night.

“You're not?” He asked with a slight smile, clearly amused. It irked her that he seemed to be enjoying the situation. She should have been glad that he wasn't freaked out, but it pissed her off that he wasn't bothered a bit when she had spent the past 20 minutes paranoid as hell.

“No, I'm not,” Amy clarified, hearing the testiness in her own voice. “My car broke down and all of my friends are jerks who won't give me a ride so I have to walk home in these awful shoes and my feet are killing me. And then you had to make a bad night worse by walking the same way as me, and I thought you thought I was following you, when I totally wasn't, so I tried waiting a bit but I gave up and I thought I'd finally stop looking like a stalker when I got to this field. But then you had to go and take _my_ fucking shortcut. I thought about going the long way round, but my feet fucking _hurt_ and I'm not spending a moment more in these shoes than I have to. So I'm _not_ following you.”

“I don't see your name anywhere on this shortcut,” he smirked. He had that annoying arrogant smile that people who were way to full of themselves had, and Amy hated how hot she thought it was and ignored the random urge she had to kiss it. The night was not going well for her.

“So where are you headed?” He asked, and she was inclined to tell him. She wasn't normally the kind of person who gave out her street address to strangers, but she decided to give him the benefit of the doubt, especially since she was the suspicious party in that instance. Besides, she really, _really_ didn't want to seem like a stalker, not to him, and she realized that she shouldn't care what he thought because she probably wasn't going to see his face again or at most in passing. Still, she did.

“Tacoma.” At her answer he got a surprised look on his face, then one of recognition.

“Oh. So are you the blue house on the end with that spiral-thingy, or the white one with way too many windows?”

“Blue,” she responded instantly. Then after a bit more thought “How did you know that?”

“Because they're the only neighbors I don't know. I'm right across the street. 6171.” This time his smile wasn't smug or annoying, just genuine- and it was blinding.

“You're kidding,” Amy breathed, but he only shook his head in response. “Well at least that's out of the way. It would have gotten a whole lot creepier for the next few minutes.”

“So do you wanna walk together or keep following me?”

“I wasn't following you,” Amy muttered as she continued walking towards their mutual destination. When she had advanced a good 10 feet and realized he wasn't beside her, she turned around to see him standing in the same spot. “Are you coming or what?”

He grinned wider and brighter as he easily caught up and they fell into a steady pace beside each other.

* * *

 

“My name's Jake,” he told her as he offered his hand. She took it and gave it a good shake while she tried to ignore how warm his hand was and how cold hers was after she let go.

“Amy. And how come I've never seen you before? I don't know any of my neighbors names, but I at least know what they look like. And didn't a pregnant couple live at your place? I saw them last week and there were never any moving trucks.”

“Bit of a long story. Short version: I was out of town helping family and my supposed best friend and his fiance graciously offered to house sit for me. Though it wasn't so selfless since they were apartment shopping and had been crashing there anyway for a week before that. And they repay my kindness by eloping at a courthouse while I was away, denying me the chance to be the best man or even a witness. They got their new place like two weeks ago, but stayed to take advantage of my cable package. And while I was gone your house and the white one changed owners, but I've only been back a few days so I haven't had time to make introductions.”

“Ugh, you're one of those people,” she groaned before she could stop herself. She was normally fantastic about holding her tongue, but that just slipped out, and there wasn't a good way to get out of it.

“One of what people?”

“One of those neighbors that organizes block parties. Or invites people from next door over for football or a pool party or some other awful thing, because you actually like people, instead of just being like everyone else and nodding when you see people who live across the street and stay on an official one word greeting basis.” Amy knew she was being rude, and normally she was quick to save face, but at the end of that awful night, she found herself out of fucks to give.

“Is that a bad thing?” Jake asked, luckily sounding more curious than offended. He was peering over at her like she was novelty that he was trying to figure out, or even learn from. The first few minutes she had spent with him she assumed that he was a jerk that always cracked jokes, but he looked at her so earnestly that she couldn't think straight. The lamps provided enough light to really see his face and the shades and shadows tracing their way across it, but Amy couldn't help but wonder what it would look like in the daylight.

“Those people are the worst. Somehow they remember when I mentioned my brother in another state being sick when I was trapped in a conversation with them, and I can't even remember their names, much less what sports their kids play. I always feel awful after talking to them.” She tried to keep the tone of their conversation light and felt successful for a bit, but then she was brought back to the totally weird thoughts she was having about a stranger she just met. Not weird weird thoughts, but just weird. Of course she had seen attractive guys before and had the passing thought of just walking up to them and kissing them, but she never entertained them because they were just things that crossed her mind. And for some reason she actually thought about kissing Jake, and couldn't stop thinking about it. There was something about him that was off, a little difference that set her off kilter, and it was interesting. She was not going to use cliche words like drawn to, or captivating, or magnetic- but she would admit that he was interesting.

“Well hopefully you remember my name,” he informed her, “because you came this close to feeling the wrath of my one inch karate chop.”

“Do you even know karate?” She asked even though she was sure he didn't, since there was no such thing as a 'one inch karate chop'. Jake hemmed and hawed in response before finally giving in.

“No, but I've got some nasty incisors, and I don't fight fair.”

And Amy laughed. It initially surprised both of them, but then she laughed again. And again, and again, and didn't stop. Eventually she was laughing so hard she couldn't walk anymore and Jake stopped beside her. Soon enough she was doubled over with her hand grabbing his arm to keep from toppling over, and the closeness felt weird and nice and was surprisingly comfortable. She usually did well enough in social situations, but always came off as trying too hard and sucking up, or oppositional when she tried to reign herself in. Just weird. So it usually took a while for her to get comfortable around someone, but for some reason everything was easy with Jake that night.

She realized the way she was grasping his arm could be taken as subconsciously flirty, but she didn't care because she really would fall over without him steadying her. His hand was on her upper arm in an attempt to support her too, and _damn_ did it feel nice.

“Am I really that funny?” He questioned when she finally got over the giggles.

“No, don't flatter yourself. It's just the adrenaline working off. I kept thinking how if the situations were reversed I would have been worried that you had a gun or something, and then I thought that you were probably thinking that too and I got worked up.” She stood up and assured him she was good to continue walking, and scolded herself for being disappointed when he dropped his hand.

“So what do you do?” At her confused look he rephrased his question. “You know, a job? Where you do some work and they give you money to pay for your lovely blue house with the spiral?”

Amy had never realized that the field was so long. She was initially relieved when they made it to the point where the field connected to the end of a cul-de-sac if only to be in more familiar surroundings. When she felt the shift from grass to concrete beneath her feet she realized that the whole thing was coming to an end soon. The even sidewalk was much more comfortable to walk on then the rolling and dipping field, but she found herself wishing it stretched out for miles. They passed by houses that lined the streets, and Amy semi-conciously slowed her pace to prolong the experience, and was glad when Jake matched it. Each red brick mailbox they left behind felt like a red marker at a marathon that said '5 miles to go' or '1 mile left' '200 feet' to encourage runners to reach the finish line. But it didn't seem like a finish line to Amy. More like a deadline, nothing after it, and for sure not something she ever wanted to reach.

“It's pretty boring. I'm an accountant for one of the businesses in the city. How about you?”

“Would you believe monster truck driver?”

“Not at all,” she shook her head with a smile.

“How about movie special effects artist?” He offered.

Amy rolled her eyes and gave him a pointed look.

“Fine, fine,” Jake said, holding up his hands like he was surrendering. “Teacher. 3rd grade.”

“Don't you have to have a degree for that?” Amy shot off, once again, without thinking. Tonight was not her night.

“Yeah. Should I be offended that you assumed I couldn't make it through college?”

“You do not seem like the teacher type. I would've expected you to be the class clown. I can't picture you in front of kids and actually being responsible.”

“It's the exact opposite with the kids,” Jake groaned. “It's the worst when they see you outside of class because they think you live at the school or something. I've been grocery shopping before and asked if I had a twin brother or if I'm a clone, and I have to explain that I'll see them on Monday.”

Amy found herself laughing again, even though she realized at the back of her mind that they were only a street away from their respective homes. She didn't want the night to end, but she knew she couldn't stop it. But she had an idea that good enough.

“What time do you get off tomorrow?”

“Technically the bell rings at 3, but there's usually meetings on Mondays, so I don't end up leaving till 4 most of the time,” Jake answered without any thought. Amy wasn't exactly the best at picking up guys (though she _wasn't_ picking him up- she just wanted to see him again. For totally platonic reasons. Like asking him questions about the area. That was the only reason she wanted to see him again). And even though she wasn't the most experienced in the art, she thought her question was pretty transparent.

“What time will you be home?” She elaborated, hoping he would get the hint as they turned on to Tacoma. But once again, she was wrong that night.

“Like 4:40 ish depending on traffic. Why?”

“Because I thought I'd be a good neighbor for once and stop by. Though I might forget your name while I sleep, so give me a few hints. Alright, Jake?” She smiled in what she hoped looked like a confident manner, and she felt light as air when he chuckled in response.

“Sure, Amy. I'll make you work for it.”

“And don't do anything fancy. You seem like the kind of person who goes overboard with this stuff, but I have to ease myself into this whole neighbor thing.”

Jake agreed and made a joke about proving that they both actually lived where they claimed as they he crossed the street to his house and Amy walked up the path to hers.

“And Amy?” He called from over his shoulder without so much as turning his head.

“Yes?” She answered with her key in the door.

“Make no mistake. I was _the_ class clown.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this was originally meant to be a one shot, but after I had it all planned out my head just wouldn't let go of the idea, and now I'm forced to continue or forfeit my sanity. It seems that all of my AU one shots take over and become multi-chapter fics.  
> And dude, you guys should have stopped me at Momentum, because now that I've got a taste for it I'm having way too much fun inserting all of this nerdy shit into my fics. I included a song from the 60s that was protesting the conformity of suburbia. You did this. It's out of my hands.  
> But go check out Walk Off the Earth's cover of Little Boxes on youtube because not only does it sound amazing but the video is so incredibly awesome.


	2. A voice made to tell stories

 

“I have a roommate who knows where I am, so she knows my last whereabouts if I suddenly go missing,” Amy informed him as she walked through his door and shoved a bottle of red wine into his open hands. She had spent the whole day dreading what was to come and regretting suggesting they ever talk again because she really was no good at the whole people thing. Human interactions were not her thing. So asking to see him again was a sort of spur of the moment thing, and after she got home she remembered how awful she was with people. She would actually enjoy being cut off from society with no human contact for years, so it was incredibly stupid for her to suggest coming over. But she couldn't exactly cancel because she didn't want to have an enemy living across from her for god knows how long, so she was forced to just do it and wait for it to dissolve into disaster.

“I actually did not make any contingency plans for if you planned on murdering me, but I'm beginning to regret that. Just call me an optimist, but the first thought I have when I look at people is not 'how can I make sure the police will catch them if they kill me?' And considering the fact that you're the one who followed me home and just happened to live across the street for the past few weeks without my knowledge is a little suspicious, isn't is? I mean, _think of the odds_. Do you think your roommate would notice if I went missing?” Jake smirked, and for a moment his easy facetiousness made her forget how awful the night was sure to get. But only for a moment. She was soon back to her normal nervous nature.

“I've never been a good neighbor before, so I had no idea what to do. The internet said to cook something, but I'd probably kill us both if I tried to make anything edible, so I went with wine.”

“If I'm not mistaken this cost more than 8 dollars. I'm genuinely impressed,” he said as he studied the bottle. “I've got something too, so I'll be right back. Make yourself at home,” he said as he swept his hand across the room and walked away.

Amy was surprised by how... normal everything looked. He seemed like one of those quirky types that would have everything in disarray, but the front room was surprisingly perfect, almost to the point of empty. Like no one lived there. There were the usual amenities like places to sit, coffee table-y stuff,

and a TV, but nothing actually personal.

“I thought I told you not to do anything!” Amy called as she walked towards the direction he went off in, finding him standing at a counter with his back turned to her.

“No, you said nothing _fancy_!” He yelled back, completely unaware that she was so close to him and definitely didn't need to respond so loudly. But when actually took a look around, she couldn't help but grin.

“Ha! I knew you were a messy person!”

The whole place looked like a natural disaster rather than a place where you were supposed to prepare food. Random papers were piled on the edge of the counter that looked like they would slip off any moment, stacks of mail laid beside them with two books on top of them, and that wasn't even to mention the mess of powder from pancake mix and dirty utensils strewn about.

“ _Aw_ , you were supposed to stay out there where it was clean and I'd make a good impression,” Jake griped as he turned to her with a package of Oreos between his teeth that he was apparently trying to tear open. “It's not usually this bad, I swear,” he said as he ripped the package from his mouth and created an opening that he widened with his hands. “I really wanted pancakes this morning, so I made some. But I hadn't made pancakes in a while so I forgot how long they took to make, so I didn't have time to clean up before I went to work. And then I had to throw everything from the front room into places I'll never find so everything wasn't a complete mess, and I didn't have time to clear this place up before you came.”

“And what's all this?” She asked referring to the cookies in his hand.

“Something decidedly not fancy. Can you get the glasses?”

Jake side stepped her to allow her access to two glass of milk on the counter behind him, which she duly picked up and followed him into dining room where he took a seat and she followed suit. Amy was wondering if it was all a joke, but he took a cookie and dipped it in milk, then popped it in his mouth, and he pushed the package towards her.

“Is this what all neighbor meetings are like?” She asked with skepticism lining her voice. Still she tentatively took a cookie, but kept it in her hand rather than do anything with it.

“I unno,” he shrugged. “I'm not exactly an expert. An expert would probably be appalled at my technique. But most people don't have any clue so you just pretend that you know what you're doing, and most everyone goes along with it. So far no one's called me on it, so I'm sticking to it.”

“Is this it?” Amy motioned between them. She didn't know exactly what she was expecting, but it just seemed far too simple. Milk and cookies was just so childish- but in a good way. In one of those nostalgic ways where you remember all the innocence of childhood and you bonded over sweets and stories instead of beer and stress.

“Yup. I thought I'd go with laid back because our first meeting was, while enjoyable, sketchy at best. And you can tell a lot about a person from how they eat their Oreos,” Jake informed her completely straight faced.

“I was wondering about that. So what does your way say about you?”

After the first cookie, he settled into a routine that he seemed way too familiar with and committed to for it to be anything other than deliberate. For the most part he twisted the two pieces apart, scraped the icing off with his teeth, then held the actual cookie parts in the milk before devouring them. Then every second or third cookie he would just submerge the whole thing. And after that cycle repeated twice he would do two wholes in a row. And then the pattern continued.

“I've never been asked to analyze myself. The people who only eat them dry whole tend to be people who only eat them with milk whole, and if they match up they're almost always picky eaters and have a hard time or just flat out don't accept help because they have to do everything themselves. And if they only do whole one way but not the other they’re still picky eaters and they're always working when other people are because they hate feeling useless when someone's doing them a favor. There's other combinations, but they'd take awhile to get into. Now myself, I like to think of as chaotic and unpredictable. The stuffing is the best part, and if it's dry I'll just eat the stuffing or whole. The outside is just nasty by itself. But with milk the stuffing's good by itself, and the black parts are okay by themselves if they're dipped in milk, and whole they're great in milk. But I like to switch it up so even I don't know what I'll do next,” Jake grinned and seemed extremely proud of himself. By the way he talked about it, he had it down to a science. Which Amy had no reason to doubt. He always made it sound like he was winging everything with intercommunication, but she was sure that he was more adept than he let on, even if he didn't realize it himself. He was a people person through and through, and she always hated people people. So he was good enough with others to get through to her, which was an accomplishment.

Still, she couldn't imagine paying so much attention to a person's cookie eating habits to develop a psychological profile on them. Technically she had been paying attention to his habit, but that was completely different. Amy wasn't trying to learn more about him as a person, just trying to figure out a pattern. A pattern that would have been just as intriguing if it were any other person and she definitely didn't spend any more time on figuring him out than she would have anyone else. Figuring the pattern out. Or at least that's what she told herself.

And she supposed that he was figuring out a pattern too, but a pattern of people instead of figures and facts.

“You're wrong,” she informed him, trying to keep the smirk from her lips. “You're completely predictable.”

“Am not,” he shot back immediately without even thinking about it, because he was so sure of himself.

So she told him about his pattern, and he scanned his memories to see if she was telling the truth, but finally admitted that he didn't pay enough attention to himself to check the veracity of her statements.

“What can you tell about me?” Amy said, but it was more of a challenge than it was a question.

“I don't know. You've had that one cookie in your hand the whole time,” he quipped as he leaned back in his chair with his eyebrows raised.

“Oh,” she tried to hide her flush. She should have remembered that. She didn't know why she didn't remember that. “I guess whole's okay in milk. I haven't had these in forever. Most of the time, milk or no milk, I scrape the stuffing off and just eat the black. It's way too sweet otherwise.”

“You're kidding,” Jake gasped as he stared at her in disbelief- though she didn't know if that was a good thing or a bad thing.

“No?” She said, unsure. Well she was sure that she wasn't kidding, but she wasn't sure why her answer was so weird and what the truth would mean to him. But then she realized it was incredibly stupid for her to be worried about what he thought about how she ate freaking Oreos. “If they sold just the outsides in a package that would be all I'd buy. I don't usually buy any because it feels like a waste to just eat two thirds of it and throw the rest away.”

“This is like seeing a unicorn in the wild for the first time. I didn't even know someone like you even existed. You like the cookies and I like the stuffing. The perfect partnership. We would be unstoppable,” he marveled in a hushed tone of exaltation. “I need to eat Oreos with you and only ever you from now on.”

Amy couldn't help but laugh at that. He sounded so eager and so sincere that she was actually convinced he meant it. And at that moment she realized it wasn't his ideas that were nostalgic and wonderful, and it wasn't the cookies and milk. It was all him. Jake was the most idealistic person she had ever met. Amy was prudish and off-putting at best, and a total bummer at worst- or at least that was what she had always been told. And he was wide eyed and ridiculous and fun. He took her back to the days when nonsense was something she enjoyed instead of pushing it off as useless. It had been a long while since she had felt this open and carefree.

She found she rather liked the feeling.

“Oh no,” he groaned suddenly at seemingly nothing. “You're right. I do have a pattern. I couldn't tell when I was paying attention at first, but then I got back into the habit of eating Oreos normally, and you're completely right. All this time I was so proud of myself for being unpredictable, and I have a _routine_. This is just awful. Now I need to change it.”

“Aw, don't do that when I tried so hard to figure it out,” Amy attempted to banter, but it came off sounding dangerously close to flirting.

“All right, I won't,” Jake agreed immediately, and she couldn't tell if there actually was a tension in the air, or if it was all in her head.

“I was half worried you were going to bring out a board game,” she chuckled halfheartedly in an attempt to interrupt whatever she felt between them, but his immediate response made her sure it really was all in her head.

“Does anyone still play board games these days?” Jake scrunched up his nose in disgust. “I mean I get family and friends, but with people you have absolutely no legal, familial, or social obligations to? They have got to be the worst get to know you activity with strangers. And you _know_ some idiot is gonna suggest monopoly.”

She had no idea why he was smiling so wide at her until she brought a completely dry cookie to her lips that she had expected to be drenched in milk. Only then did she notice that her glass was completely empty.

Wordlessly Jake got up and took their glasses into the kitchen in what she hoped was a move to fill them back up instead of put them away. So she was more than pleased when he came back in with two full glasses of milk clutched to his chest by his arms, both hands filled with a glass of wine and a second package of Oreos tucked under his chin.

“I could've helped, you know,” she chided him, but he only scoffed like the mere idea was preposterous and only accepted her assistance to set stuff down once he realized there was no way he could pull it off by himself.

“Okay, worst neighbor stories. Go!” Jake declared as if he was counting down to the start of a race.

“I don't know. You?”

“Have I got a story,” he said as he rubbed his hands together and Amy leaned in. “Okay, first apartment I ever had on my own. I was a model tenant, absolutely perfect. But there was this guy across the hall who absolutely hated me for no reason. He couldn't have been a day over 50, but his hair was completely white and he had a rage in his eyes that could have only been amassed by an ageless being that suffered through every up and down of the human race. And- I'm completely serious about this- sometimes I could see this fire burning in his eyes and I can't think of any explanation other than he was possessed by a demon or had the most bitchin' contacts. But I can't imagine someone would be as bitter as him with contacts like that,” Jake set the scene for her, and he really was a natural story teller. It was like every part of his body was telling the story with him. His hands that illustrated the picture, his eyebrows that knit together and raised at the perfect points in his description, his shoulders that welcomed her and she couldn't help but be drawn in by, and his eyes that lit up- going from bright and wide to sharp and suspicious- but always piercing and always honest. Even his breath seemed to play some role and add to the whole experience.

And of course there was his voice. The most important part.

It was warm, charming, and inviting. He went from a low murmur at a slow pace only to speed up in a second into impassioned and indignant, then shifting into sarcasm. And he did it so well. The whole time it felt like he was telling her a secret that she was privileged to hear.

And she still couldn't see him as actually directing a classroom of kids, at least not with any success, but this was where his teacher-y-ness shown through. The best teachers she ever had were the ones with fantastic reading voices that just brought the book to life. And Amy was sure that she wanted to hear more of this voice. He sounded more than pleasant when he was just talking to her like normal, but his story voice just brought the words out of his mind and sound waves and made them real and tangible.

She wanted him to read to her.

Almost as soon as the thought hit her she realized how weird it was. Who in their right mind fantasized about a new acquaintance reading to them. And then it hit her that fantasized was really the wrong word to use, even though she only thought it.

Because that word choice made her picture that same low voice, now thick and husky, whispering things in her ear that were _completely_ inappropriate to imagine him saying.

And she was picturing that when he was sitting right in front of her. She could only pray that the heat she felt on her cheeks wasn't visible. She only managed to shake her stupidity from herself when she realized with a pang of regret that she had missed out on some of his story.

“And he still claimed he could hear it, even though if he could actually hear that well my radio from across the hall and through two closed doors would be drowned out by the sound of his cold, shriveled heart struggling to keep beating. And then he started the absolute insanity with the newspapers. He called the cops on me four times claiming that I stole his newspaper off his door mat when I had absolutely no use for it because if I was going to steal any newspaper in that hall, I would have definitely gone with the family next door whose paper covered all the major surrounding cities when his only concerned a single zip code. Eventually even the cops got fed up with him so they told him to set up a video camera, something that I had absolutely no idea about. So he does it, but he doesn't know how to play it back and so he calls the cops again to help him figure it out and the best part, _thank god_ because it was _the greatest_ , he calls me over to so we can all watch it and he wants to see my face. So me and him and these two officers are standing around and I just started cracking up when it got to the right point because it was priceless. I swear to god I'm not making it up, it was his _cat_.” Jake beamed and looked like he was about to start a hysterical laughing fit right then and there. Amy was fairly sure he was making the exact same face right then as he was when the whole story was taking place. “He was still a jerk, but at least that was the last time the cops knocked on my door with an apologetic look and saying that they had to 'investigate' his claims and me reassuring them it wasn't their fault.”

And for the first time since he began his whole escapade he reached for an Oreo that he had been practically inhaling earlier. And she knew she should have warned him that he accidentally dipped it in the wine and not the milk since he wasn't looking, but Amy just bit her tongue so her face wouldn't give anything away because she _had_ to see this.

And he bit into it like any old thing and took a good two seconds to register that anything was out of order. And then his face contorted like it was the most repulsive thing he had ever tasted and was caught between a choke and a gag before somehow managing to get it down his throat. As soon as that happened he took a mouthful of wine and swished it around in his mouth to rid it of the taste.

“Oh my god,” Jake gasped. “That was the most disgusting thing ever.” He then took one look up at her and her near silent breathy laughs and knew what she had done. “Thanks for the warning,” he grumbled.

Before she could even stop grinning from ear to ear he grabbed another Oreo and dipped it in what was left in his wine.

“What on _earth_ are you doing? Didn't you just say how disgusting it was?”

“Yeah, but I need to be sure it's actually disgusting or if it was only disgusting because I was expecting milk,” he explained like it was the most logical thing in the world and that it wasn't an absurd thing to do. This time though, he only took a tentative nibble and shook his head in response.

“Nope. It's really disgusting. Really really gross. Just nasty.”

“You never did tell me what you were doing walking a good 30 minutes last night. You already know my reason, so what's your excuse?” Amy prodded with the lighthearted taunt that somehow seemed so natural between them.

“Boredom,” Jake answered immediately.

“You're one of those healthy people who exercise when they're bored?” Amy asked, her disbelief bordering on horror.

“God no,” he laughed, and it was just another warm and genuine sound she loved hearing from him. “You just get to explore all of the back alleys that are hiding just out of reach from the access of a car. All the seedy and shifty stuff and just stuff that's so weird you have to take a breath and wonder about the vastness of the universe. There's this shop that's all superhero stuff and is refreshingly genuine, with a surprising lack of fetish gear. But not even three doors down there's the kinkiest sex shop that you could ever imagine, and they don't even try to hide it. Just walking around is a whole thing of it's own. I was once offered a complimentary tattoo in exchange for my left shoelace. It was tempting, but I really didn't want to walk home with my foot slipping in and out of my shoe. But I am probably the most unhealthy person you will ever meet. After exploring I have to come home and work on all of those calories that I lost. I have a whole 'nother package of Oreos in the pantry and at least four other brands of cookies. That's not even to mention the gummy bears that I buy in bulk, and the chips that-”

“I get it, I get it,” Amy interrupted with a grin, because she was sure if she didn't stop him he could go on like that forever.

“That's one of the disappointing things about how you've already been living here for a while. One of the best neighbor things to do is to show someone new around town. Or at the very least offer too,” Jake said and actually did sound dejected.

“I haven't explored around here at all,” she started, but suddenly felt sheepish. People said stuff like that all the time and didn't mean it. He had probably only brought it up because he was sure she wouldn't say anything about it, or just go along with it. Something that most normal people would have politely moved on from instead of bring it back up. But she was already hinting at something stupid so she couldn't just leave off on that. “So, I mean, if you were to offer...” She trailed off as she dragged a finger across the table in front of her, not even looking at him.

“Really?” He asked so eagerly that she couldn't help but meet his eyes. She'd be damned if the expression on his face could be described as any word other than hopeful.

“Yeah.”

“Well then I am definitely offering,” he beamed, and Amy couldn't do anything but smile back.

“So is it just when it starts getting dark? When all of the weird stuff comes out?” She probed. For some reason she couldn't imagine anything she would enjoy more than seeing weird and crazy things with him. Or really anything with him.

“Oh no, the later the weirder,” he informed her as if he was the foremost and only source on the topic.

“So, what, midnight? On Friday so I don't fall asleep at my desk and you won't collapse on top of a child? Does that sound good?”

“It's a date,” Jake grinned, then faltered at his word choice. “I mean, not like a _date_ date,” he stumbled until she rested a hand on his arm.

“I know what you mean,” she chuckled a reassurance. Still she couldn't help but be disappointed that it wasn't a _date_ date, and that he was so averse to the idea that he got so flustered over it. Even though she knew that it was stupid to be so disappointed about that.

“I don't think I've eaten this many cookies in one sitting in my life,” Amy sighed as she leaned back into her chair. Both of their wine glasses were empty, while their milk was getting close, and of the two packages only three Oreos were left. The whole night was so simple, but in an amazing way. Where everything was easy and you didn't have to try at all, everything just worked.

“Welcome to _my_ world, Amy.”

And she found herself laughing again- she had laughed so many times that night that she had lost count. It had been a long time since she had lost count of anything. Much less laughter.

Much less happiness.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yup that's that. Sorry it took so long for me to get out. I'm currently working on 4 one shots because for some reason I just started them all without finishing any of them, so I've been working back and forth between them and they're all on different levels of completion, but hopefully at least one will be out soon.
> 
> Please tell me this wasn't too cheesy.
> 
> Next chapter will be from Jake's POV, and I promise it will end with kissing.


	3. Highschool and Self Control

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Theme song for this chapter is Electric Love by Borns.

He was being stupid.

Beyond stupid. He knew that, but that still didn't stop him from being stupid.

Jake was acting like a prepubescent kid. Which was stupid because he was legally certified to teach them to be better adults, which meant that he was better than them.

So he shouldn't have what was basically a glorified crush.

It wasn't really a crush, cause she was cool and he actually liked her as a person and not all of those teenager-y reasons (really horniness was the _only_ teenage reason). But his heart beat sped up when she laughed at him or smiled at him and he got nervous around her- and those were all definitely crush symptoms. He felt like an idiot whenever he thought about how much he liked her smile.

Amy had a smile that he was sure she didn't show the world enough of.

He was glad she suggested Friday for their next meet up because he would have died if he had to wait till Saturday without even work to distract him. He never was the patient type, and waiting for Friday was testing his patience.

* * *

Jake was positive that he left behind the stage that was capable of instant infatuation years ago, but apparently that was wrong. At least if how fast he rushed home Friday afternoon was any judge of it.

He really should have stayed at work as long as possible, because it would have lowered the amount of times he had to stop himself from going over and knocking on her door absurdly early.

Amy said she would come a bit before midnight when they parted last time, but he didn't know how much the vagueness of her statement was going to bother him then. It was like when you were a kid and your friend said they would be over in about an hour so you go and wait by the door 45 minutes later, and after an hour and 10 minutes you consider going off and doing something else until they get there, but you'd already waited this long and what if they were just down the street at that very moment. And when they finally get there an hour and a half later you have to pretend that you didn't just waste almost an hour waiting for them by the door doing nothing.

Jake realized that and refused to wait by the door and do nothing. What he did do was sit on the couch (a few feet away from the door) and watch TV with the volume on very, very low so there would be no chance of him missing the sound of a knock or the ring of the doorbell.

It was better than nothing.

The knock finally came at 11:45 PM and he wasted no time ushering her out the door to show her the best of the city.

* * *

The darkness was a blessing and a curse. The blessing: it stopped him from staring. The curse: it stopped him from staring.

A 5 year old knew that staring was rude, so even though she looked amazing it was ridiculous that he needed an external factor (hence the darkness) for him to resist.

She really did look amazing though. It wasn't just what she was wearing (though she looked good in her shorts and a plain t shirt too).She had a smile he had never seen before, and that might have even been a bit of a nervous one. But he wasn't even sure of that- he just hoped that smile meant something good. And if it was a nervous smile, he hoped it was the good type of nervous, like the one he was feeling- the anticipating and maybe a bit excited and 'please let this go well and not let me screw this up' type of nervous.

She wouldn't have come if it was the bad type of nervous, would she?

He was probably just projecting how he felt. Especially the begging the universe or whatever that he wouldn't screw it up, because he already knew that Amy never made mistakes.

"I used to do this all the time as a kid. Flashlight walks," she said while he was still stressing on the nervous aspect in his head.

While there was going to be enough light when they were close to the city center, and it wasn't too dark in their neighborhood lined with street lamps, it was going to get pretty dark in between. So Jake brought a flashlight and had it out since they had made it to the point where the light faded.

It wouldn't have been pitch without it, but it was nice to have a good view of the ground in front of you any time you were walking.

"We always went as a family. Of course it was more like 8 o' clock in the winter when it got dark earlier cause we all had bed times. After I moved out I guess I never really had anyone to go with. And I didn't want to go alone for safety reasons and all, even if my purse was overflowing with pepper spray canisters."

"Yeah, it's nice to have someone to go with," Jake agreed thoughtfully, before he realized how serious it sounded and had to correct that because he couldn't leave anything serious standing alone for more than a moment. "Especially when that someone is armed with pepper spray to protect the both of you."

But Amy chuckled at that, so he didn't spend too much time dwelling on his faults.

* * *

"Uh, are we supposed to be here? Is this like trespassing or something?" Amy asked warily when they got to their destination.

That was when Jake realized he should have thought this out at least a little bit more. They were back to the city center-ish and didn't need the flashlight anymore, but the alley they were in was a bit darker than along the main streets.

Okay, alley was the wrong word. It was a walk way between some rows of buildings and shops, and the only reason alley even remotely applied was because it was too small for a car to get through. But it was designed to be that small, so it wasn't as creepy as you'd think when hearing the words alley and midnight used in the same sentence.

But the metal rail gate with a chain used to keep it closed kinda did make it look like trespassing. The chain was just used to keep it from swinging open, there wasn't even a padlock on the end, it just lasted longer in the elements than rope would when wrapped around the post. Plus there was the keep out sign. That was probably what gave her the trespassing vibe.

Jake had been there a thousand times though, so he knew there was nothing to worry about.

"Nah, the gate is just to keep out the squares. Are you a square, Amy? Cause we can go somewhere else if you're too chicken," he taunted, because making a joke of something was his immediate reaction when he didn't actually know what to do or say.

He really should have considered beforehand how the whole gate thing and medium to large keep out sign would come off. He only thought beforehand about what was going to be fun. But he should have realized how it would look. Their first meeting was sketch, the second was pleasant and friendly, and now he had brought it back to sketch again.

And he made that stupid comment about squares when he should've just forgotten about it and worked out something else.

He should have said something along the lines of 'Hey, sorry, I didn't mean to make you uncomfortable. This is how to get to my favorite place that I wanted to show you because I was trying to impress you. But I know lots of places that are still pretty awesome and almost as impressive that don't have big keep out signs.'

Instead he taunted her.

"I don't think that anyone has used the term square unironically since 1945," she retorted before pushing past him and the gate, leaving Jake with the responsibility of looping the chain back around the post so it wouldn't swing open in the wind.

* * *

"Seriously though. We're not trespassing, right? Are we going to get in trouble?" She whispered after they had been walking for 60 seconds tops, the gate they had just passed was still visible. Her whispering made it seem like she was afraid someone would overhear them any moment and call the cops on them.

"I promise I would not bring you anywhere where you had the chance of being arrested. Or I at least wouldn't bring you anywhere that would get you arrested just by being there. I'm not responsible for what you do after we get there. So we're fine unless you decide to commit a violent crime, then you will definitely be arrested. Seriously, I've been here 100 times, it's fine."

"Are you just saying it's fine cause you've been here 100 times and never been caught or arrested, or have you been here 100 times and actually had permission to do so?"

"Relax," Jake reassured her, though it didn't provide as much comfort as he meant it to. To be fair, he wasn't sure that much would be reassuring in this not-alley this late.

He felt guilty for the jolt that ran through him whenever Amy's hand brushed his. She was beside him the whole way, but after they passed the gate she was _next_ to him. To the point that at all times there was at least some part of her right side pressed into his left. She had to be uncomfortable to say the least since she was sidled up so close to him, and there he was, just wishing he hadn't chosen to wear long sleeves because he was sure there would be more than a steady hum of an electric current on his arm if he had gone with short.

Basically, he felt guilty for enjoying the experience.

"I'm on good terms with everyone here who would even be able to charge us with trespassing so I've got no enemies on this block. And I only need permission from one person to be here, and I've got friends in high places so I've got permission from many people, even if one were to be revoked. So yes, while you're with me you will not be lumped in with the squares."

"So your friends were the first ones who showed you this place?"

"No, the first time I came here I was totally trespassing," Jake confirmed her misdemeanor suspicions of him without the slightest hesitation.

"So is this the whole thing? Just this creepy dark alley?"

"Now, if you think of this in the terms of mysterious pathway-"

"Is this whole thing just a mysterious pathway?"

"No, this _mysterious pathway_ opens to the back of the best shops that have the front entrances on the main street. But they're just further in to deter the squares and that's why it's taking so long to get there."

"Jake, you've gotta stop saying squares. It's so tacky. I'm surprised one of your 3rd graders hasn't beaten you up and stolen your lunch money yet when you use terms like that. You should probably never say the word square again, and just go with equilateral rectangle if you're teaching. For your own safety," she advised.

"Why? Only squares have a problem with not-squares saying squares. So I'm pretty sure that makes you a square."

"You're a square," she shot back as she jabbed him with her elbow, and he fell away with a laugh.

The moment he straightened back up he saw the glass door he was expecting to, and held it open for her.

"You ready to see some weird stuff, Amy?"

"That's what I'm here for, isn't it?"

* * *

"I'm warning you, It's pretty creepy in here," Jake said as he led her through the hallway after they got through the door. It barely qualified as a hallway since it was only about 10 feet from the exit/entrance they had just used to the door frame with beads hanging down it, but she sped up like she had something to prove.

"Can't be any creepier than that alley," she reasoned.

"Amy, really, there's something-" he got out before she crossed through the beads and reached what he was going to tell her about. Right on the other side cloaked by the decoration was this creepy little cat thing that had a motion sensor attached to it and sliced it's paw down at average height level whenever anyone set it off and let out this terrifying yowl.

To her credit, Amy didn't even flinch. Or she kinda flinched. Flinched-ish. She didn't jump or make a sound, but her hand shot back and latched onto his arm (Jake had sped up too since he was expecting the cat attack). Her hand dropped an instant later and Jake shouldn't have felt disappointed at that. He shouldn't have, but he did.

"You knew that was coming, didn't you?" She accused him, and there was no point in denying it.

"I tried to warn you."

* * *

Really, they could have come here during the day. This wasn't the spontaneous weird stuff Jake usually went around at night to go see, but this was one of his favorite weird places. The spontaneous stuff usually had at least a slight element of danger, and he wasn't going to take Amy anywhere dangerous, so he took her here.

Because this place was definitely weird.

While it was named 'Uniques and Oddities' a more accurate name was 'freaky and creepy and weird and totally cool stuff that you didn't even know existed, much less were legal to purchase'.

And it helped that one of his friends in high places was Beth, AKA the owner of Uniques and Oddities, and he asked ahead if it would be cool of them to stop by since even cool stores didn't usually make a habit of staying open after midnight any old day of the week.

Beth knew they were coming, so she left the back door unlocked. If he had thought of it at the time when they were at the gate to the mysterious pathway they could have tried going around to the front entrance that opened to the very non threatening main street and try to knock on the door and see if she was there.

But he didn't even think of discussing it more than the date and basic time frame, so he wasn't even sure if Beth would be there. He didn't even know if she was going to leave a note with instructions on how to lock up or if he was supposed to just let it go when they left- and that was only if she hadn't stuck around.

Jake was sure she was still there when he saw that all of the lights were on in the front room and he heard the radio playing from that general direction, so it was good that he didn't have to worry about it anymore.

At first glance it was just one of those second hand or antique stores. But if you even took a second longer of closer inspection you would realize that wasn't it at all. It was an amalgamation of vintage stuff and new stuff that worked together to make the totally unnerving vibe, with black and white photographs placed next to Ouija boards that were in turn next to abstract art that was next to those scorpions encased in blue glass to be used as paperweights.

"We're not trespassing here, right? Cause this is like someone's actual property. Like you need a single person's permission, not all of your friends."

"The owner knows we're here and I do have her permission."

She sighed with relief and took a look around. It was clear that Amy thought this place was pretty awesome too.

He followed her though the aisles as she leaned in to get a good look at everything that caught her eye, which seemed to be almost everything, but he completely understood. Jake couldn't get enough of this place when he first discovered it, and he had been here so many times that he practically had the whole place memorized. He could always recognize when something was a new edition since it would be the only thing he didn't recognize that time around.

So that freed him to look at Amy while she looked at everything else. While Jake's favorite things in the store were all of the spookiest things, Amy seemed to like the more scientific stuff.

Not necessarily scientific, but the decidedly not scary or supernatural is what she paid the most attention to. Like globes and telescopes and compasses- and stuff that had constellations on them. Out of all the artistic pieces you could purchase, she seemed to like the antique map based ones the best (his favorites were the paintings that looked completely normal until you noticed some kind of demon was covertly placed so your eyes passed right over it the first time). The store really was unique, not just trying to be scary. It had stuff that you couldn't find anywhere else, so not all of it was creepy.

Not all of it was like the doll's head wax candle Amy was inspecting at the moment.

As if on cue Amy turned up to look at him and caught him staring.

"Hey, you should see-" Jake began in an attempt to recover and make it seem like he was just looking at her because he was about to try to get her attention, but when he spun to pick a random object out he inadvertently set off a motion sensor.

He wasn't expecting _that_ one. It wasn't even a cat one, and he didn't know which it was since it didn't move, jut set off a quick and unnerving alarm that only played for two seconds, but it surprised him.

The sound Jake made may have technically been able to be classified as a shriek, but it was a very soft one. And he didn't _jump_ back, but he did _stumble_ back into Amy.

"That's new. That was definitely not here last time," he gave as an excuse, but she wasn't buying it.

"Aw, are you scared? Do you need to hold my hand?" She mocked him and Jake thought that was the end of it until she slipped something _not human_ into his hand, which he dropped without even thinking as a shudder ran up his spine.

Luckily it was just one of those cheap novelty stress balls in the shape of a skull, so it didn't break when it hit the floor. And the Jake remembered that he had actually seen them two aisles back, and she had probably been planning to do it so it wasn't something expensive that he could possibly break.

He turned to glare at her, but she looked so amused that he couldn't help but smile.

"I'm gonna get you back for that, you know."

"Maybe we should leave before you try too hard, then," she suggested, and that just added to the list of jokes he shouldn't have said that night since it brought up the idea of heading back way before he wanted to. He wasn't sure if she was kidding or not, or even half kidding- but he wanted to prolong the night as much as possible.

"I need to introduce you to Beth first," Jake insisted in a blatant bid of procrastination and started walking to the front of the shop where he knew she would be waiting.

* * *

"You're the owner of this place?" Amy near gasped before she caught herself and apologized. "Sorry that probably sounded really rude."

"It's okay, I get that all the time," Beth waved her off with a slight chuckle. "Usually when I'm here I dress a little more for the part. But it's late and only you two, so I'm in my normal clothes."

Jake had been confused the first time he found out too. When Beth was in her normal clothes she looked just like a normal person, blonde hair and jeans and a shirt- just like anyone else walking down the street. And while she had kids now, it was obvious that she would have been a cheerleader in high school- one of the nice ones though.

Her daughter was in Jake's class the year before he first came in here, and when she recognized him she had to literally tell him who she was because even when she was staring him straight in the face he couldn't recognize her by voice either.

I wasn't that she dressed in all black when she was working, but she always wore something that you could immediately tell was not taken off the rack of a name brand department store of your choice (which made up all of her not-work ensemble).

Beth offered them some complimentary sodas that were stored in a glass fridge at the other side of the front room, and before Jake could ask Amy her preference, she asked him what he wanted and went to go pick out hers.

"Hey, I heard what happened. How are you doing?" Beth asked sympathetically as soon as Amy was out of earshot. He had been asked that question a lot lately, and really just the repetition was tiring him out.

"I'm fine," he immediately brushed her off before remembering that was an immature thing to do to a concerned and well meaning friend. "Really, I am. I'm doing good. And thanks for this."

"No problem," she nodded before Amy walked up and handed him his root beer.

"Ready to head back?" He asked Amy in the most upbeat tone he could manage when the question he was really asking was if she was ready to end the night.

"Yeah," she confirmed as she cracked open the cap on her bottle and let the carbonation hiss. "Let's go."

* * *

Jake was laughing. Actually laughing, and actually having fun. He hadn't laughed this hard in months. He hadn't felt this happy in months. Two months and five days, to be exact. Well, that date wasn't the last time he laughed this much (because this was a lot of laughing, even for him) but that was when pretty much all of the laughter stopped. Sometimes he felt like he was being a little melodramatic about it. It wasn't like it was completely unexpected. He knew it was understandable that he was upset by it, but sometimes he wondered...

It had been a while since he had fun like this.

And Jake could use some more fun in his life.

* * *

He didn't want the night to end. He would have liked to stay out till dawn with her just to push off the reality of the morning sun rise. But it was getting late, and though Amy seemed to be having just as good of a time as him, he wasn't going to make her ask for them to head back.

It was at least 2 AM. The time was just another thing he should have paid attention to, and another thing he only realized after the fact.

When Jake led them back though the mysterious pathway she didn't offer any arguments. She didn't try to stop him when he wrapped the chain around the post so the gate wouldn't swing open, nor did she say anything about it when they started on the same route that had brought them there, the same route that led back to their houses.

And even though she didn't mention it when they were past the point of no return, or at least the point of no doubt where the light faded and he had to pull the flashlight back out, she didn't seem to be in a rush either.

If neither of them were talking, that meant they were both laughing. Even if it was more like chuckling, or snickering, or doing those little huffy breaths because you couldn't manage to make a sound. Just happy noises.

They bumped shoulders every few seconds the whole walk home, and god was it nice.

* * *

"This is so weird. I don't think I've walked a girl to her doorstep since 10th grade," Jake joked as he did exactly that. It really wasn't that weird since they lived on the same street, and she probably didn't think it was weird at all until he mentioned it but if he was ever met with a silence he had to fill it.

It all felt 10th grade. Like he was dropping Amy off after he took her to the movies with his newly earned drivers license and he wasn't sure if he should kiss her goodbye or leave it for their next date.

And Jake had to remind himself that they didn't get back from the movies, and he'd had his driver's license for like 15 years, and that this was never even a date.

He probably should have just stayed at the sidewalk, or even crossed the street to his place earlier, but he didn't. No, Jake had to be all nervous highschooler and literally walk her to her doorstep and make it all awkward.

So he walked her to the doorstep of the blue house with the spiral-thingy.

To make it all worse her porch light was on and illuminated the darkness (as lights are wont to do) so there was nothing to stop him from staring at her but himself, and Jake never was good at self control.

Her hair was tied up with loose tendrils hanging to frame her face as if he needed any sort of indicator that that was exactly where he should be staring. While in the 10th grade scenario he would have been left deciding between three options: leaving with a smile, kissing her on the cheek, or kissing her on the lips. Adult Jake should have left with a smile, but he was only thinking about the third option.

"So, uh..." he started, because he knew he couldn't just leave without saying a word.

He realized that his was the part where he was supposed to say how he had a good time and wanted to hang out again in the near future (the nearer the better) or at least something, but he had no clue what to say or how to even broach the topic. He was working through what words to even speak, and was close to settling on just leaving with a goodbye and knocking on her door in the next few days when he had an idea of something to do so she might actually have a reason to say yes when all he wanted was to just see her again.

He was _that_ close to leaving when Amy tucked the tendrils of hair behind both ears and bit her lip.

It probably didn't even count as a bite. She dragged her bottom lip in and scraped her teeth across it for probably less than a millisecond, but it was transfixing.

He didn't even think about kissing her, just did it. And definitely not on the cheek.

His hands were on her face and she was kissing back and it was beyond great. He could barely taste the flavor of lemon chapstick she was wearing and he wanted nothing more than to lick her lips and taste the inside of her mouth. Everything about her was pure indulgence.

And then Jake remembered why kissing her was the stupid option. They were right on her doorstep in a well lit neighborhood and even though he thought they were past the whole stranger danger thing, he was still some guy she'd only met three times kissing her at 2 AM.

Yup, Jake was the master of self control.

So when he pulled back he ran through his apology a mile a minute.

"Sorry. You barely know me. Usually it's get acquainted with someone and then try to kiss them. Got that the wrong way round. I've just been thinking about doing that ever since I first saw you. Well, not literally, like when I thought you were following me or when I actually got a good look at your face but after we started talking like- Sunday night. Definitely by the end of Sunday night. But, I mean, that was way- I didn't mean for that to- I promise I'll at least know your last name before I try that again. I mean- if you want me to try again. If you ever even want to look in my direction after-"

"Santiago," she cut him off. She said it like it was the only answer to a question he hadn't even asked, but he was pretty sure whatever came out of her mouth wasn't even a real word unless he had a case of spontaneous hearing loss.

He hadn't even realized that he was looking basically anywhere but at her through that whole rushed apology until he had to force himself back to her eyes.

And she had another smile he had never seen before that night.

It would probably be better classified as a smirk- slight and cocky and totally provocative and he had no idea what it was doing on her face.

"Huh?"

"My last name. It's Santiago."

"Oh, uh, Peralta," he fumbled and had to resist the urge to hold out his hand for a shake.

Why the fuck did he want to shake her hand? The only reason he could think was that it was a conditioned response since usually you shook hands during introductions, and usually you learned last names during introductions. Still, it was stupid he had to fight the instinct to shake her fucking hand. He wanted to fuck her with his hand.

_Fuck_ , this train of thought was going nowhere fast.

"Can we go back to kissing now?" Amy asked impatiently like she had been waiting for him to initiate it instead of just standing there wide eyed and frozen.

"If you want," Jake shrugged. He should have been ecstatic, but his brain was still trying to keep up and process everything that had just happened, much less the last question she asked- how did they even get to there?

And while his brain was still lagging 10 minutes behind Amy shoved him against the blue panels of her house with the spiral-thingy and took his small gasp of surprise as opportunity to thrust her tongue in his mouth and fuck it was fantastic.

And _maybe_ he was getting a bit carried away when he pulled out her hair tie and let it fall to god knows where just so he could tangle his fingers in all of it. And _maybe_ he was going a bit too far when he tugged her lip with his teeth and groaned when she rolled her hips into his. And _maybe_ he was getting a bit too into it when they were right on her doorstep in the middle of a well lit neighborhood at 2 AM.

He could admit that.

He could also admit that he could not care less about anything other than the sounds coming from the back of her throat and the hint of lemon chapstick and her taste on his tongue.

Jake couldn't say he'd ever had the experience of being pinned against a wall before, but he was _very_ into it.

"I would invite you in, but roommate and all. Your place is empty, right?" She suggested, and he nodded numbly before _she_ led them across the street to _his_ house.

* * *

It wasn't like he did this everyday. Literally every single girl Jake had ever dated before he had been friends with first or set up by friends. None of the first time I hear your last name and third time I'd ever seen you stuff that they just went through.

He didn't even know her well enough to know if she was the casual type. He wasn't, at all, but she was so amazing. It was insane how much he liked her. Already. And he didn't want to give up Amy Santiago for anything.

And the sex was pretty awesome too.

At the moment they were lying in his bed and trying to catch their breath from a very fun time, and he was still trying to remember how to speak properly, and even after he rediscovered the ability he still had no idea what to say.

"I don't know how to ask this, so uh- do you have a boyfriend?" Jake would have held his breath in wait for her answer if he still wasn't trying to catch it in the first place.

"No. Do you have a girlfriend?"

"Nope," he began before a slight pause. "You wanna be mine?"

"I'd like that," Amy said softly and he let out a huge sigh of relief that was really a huge exhale of relief.

"God, you don't know how glad I am you said yes."

"Really?" Her voice sounded demure as she turned to face him. They'd both been lying on their backs staring at the ceiling until that moment, and now Jake was the only one staring at the ceiling. He wanted to stare at her, but he couldn't be looking at her if he was going to say what he was going to say, even though he didn't want to say what he was going to say cause he sucked at stuff like this, but he was also _not_ the master of self control he had claimed to be.

"It is ridiculous how much I like you already. And I feel so stupid telling you this right now, but I just really need you to know. Like I'm not one of those people who's like open and stuff, about important crap, like emotions and all that jazz- but I am one of those people who ramble and it's mortifying in situations like this. And even if we counted all of our meetings as dates- which I don't think we can, especially not the first one- I don't even have a three date rule. I don't even have a _dating_ rule before asking someone out. If anything I have a 'I've known you for months and think you're pretty cool and you wanna try something sometime' rule or a 'You're friends with my friends and they say you're pretty cool and you wanna try something sometime' rule. So I don't have anything prepared for a 'meet her once and can't stop thinking about her and feel my own heart beating before even knowing her a week' kind of girl."

"You broke my rules too," Amy informed him when he took a pause to breathe, and he was so fucking grateful for a reason to shut up. "First and foremost, the most important rule I have: stay on a one word greeting basis with neighbors at all cost."

Jake laughed at that and turned to face her, and was surprised when he had done so and found out how close she was. Like really close. But a good close.

"There he is," she marveled when his eyes met hers, and she reached a hand up to his cheek. Jake almost flinched at the sudden contact, but he was so glad he didn't. Cause if he did she might have got the wrong idea and pulled her hand away. So instead of flinching he froze, and the longer her fingers rested on his skin the more he relaxed, until it felt like they had always been there.

Amy's eyes had a softness he knew he didn't deserve, and at the very least hadn't earned from the likes of someone like her.  
"We really don't know all that much about each other, do we?" She mused and stroked his cheek with her thumb.

Jake didn't know where the sudden tenderness and affection was coming from, but he was rather fond of it. He'd never had this before, this closeness, and he didn't know how it had manifested in less than seven days. He wondered if he was doing something different. Would she still be this warm with him if he hadn't rambled? Cause the rambling was different and new- like he always rambled, but he'd never been in a romantic situation where he said horrifyingly relevant stuff when he couldn't stop talking. His rambles had never been as horrifyingly feeling-y as the last one was, and he wondered if this was what he was missing out on by being all closed up.

But Jake was pretty sure it had nothing to do with him, and he was as awful as always. It was all Amy.

"I always immediately discounted those people who said it felt like they've known each other their whole lives. And I'm still sure they're exaggerating. So I don't feel like I've known you my whole life, but I'd say we've got a two year relationship under our belt, wouldn't you?"

"Definitely," Jake grinned.

"Ice breakers?"

"I'm pretty sure sex is the ultimate ice breaker."

"So you're saying you don't know any?" She taunted. As far as he was concerned, Amy could taunt him all she wanted. _He_ wanted her to taunt him. Cause she got that cocky little smirk when she did it that he was looking forward to becoming more familiar with.

"I am the _king_ of ice breakers."

* * *

"Ugh! That's where I was before I met you. It was the worst," Amy groaned without giving him any more information to go on what she meant. He wasn't even sure what he said that was met with this reaction. Jake tried running through what just came out of his mouth, but it was harder than he thought.

The conversation they were having hadn't been very linear, cause neither of their thoughts were linear at the time. So they were just flitting around from topic to topic and it was great, but every time they lost a train of thought it was no hope to even try to get it back since there was no guarantee you'd ever make it back to what inspired the thought you lost in the first place.

"Where?"

"Before my car broke down. And I had to _not_ follow you home. Kylie signed me up for this awful speed dating thing, and I swear they get worse every time. I thought she had finally stopped doing that to me like she did in college, and I had the grace period after I moved in where I thought she finally got it out of her system until she drops it on me and guilts me into going last Sunday. And they're always so horrible and they think the quickness makes it more exciting, but nothing could change the fact that everyone who goes to one of those things is so boring."

"I'm sure you would have found another interesting person like you that was roped in by a well meaning friend too."

"You don't get it, Jake. I'm part of the problem. I'm one of those boring people. Only boring people go to those things, and I'm definitely a boring person either way," she told him, and he really didn't get it.

He understood that she wasn't one of those let loose types of people, and that her personality was more cautious than carefree, but that wasn't boring. That's the kind of thing a kid would say to insult someone who actually enjoyed school. That was the kind of thing he'd actually heard plenty of kids say to insult someone who enjoyed school. Really the only thing about her that would even deserve that description was her job. Accounting was a boring field to go into. But over their conversations that night (and the whole oreo thing she discovered, that was actually upsetting) it was clear that she liked numbers and patterns.

Jake started hating school as he got older. All the fun stuff was in elementary. They cut out recess in 6th grade, and it was all downhill from there. So he wasn't into math and to be honest, he still found numbers boring. But even he knew that didn't make _her_ boring.

Everyone outgrew that whole judging people because they were 'nerdy' thing after they graduated high school, if not before then. Even so, he'd always found it hot when chicks were smarter than him.

"Why would you say that? You just said that it was your friend who made you go."

"Yeah, and I have a friend who forces me to go to them because I'm boring. Have your friends ever forced _you_ to go speed dating?"

"I would've signed myself up if I knew I had the chance to meet you."

"Nice dodge. But seriously, you can't tell me you would even look twice at me if we didn't have one of the weirdest meetings in modern history."

And it was back to 10th grade again. She was talking about it like he was one of the cool kids and he'd just invited her to sit at the lunch table. He wasn't even one of the 'cool kids' back when he was in high school- he was telling the truth when he said he was the class clown the first night he met her. And while cool kid circles and funny kid circles did overlap often, if he stopped goofing off he wouldn't have fit into either.

Either way, that didn't matter. Cool, funny, and boring stopped mattering a long time ago. The only thing that mattered was that he really liked Amy and that _she_ didn't get how ridiculous it was to describe herself as boring.

"Oh, but I would. I really would," he told her completely honest, and she smiled a bit and rolled her eyes, but he needed her to believe him. "I would walk over to you even if we weren't matched up. I would introduce myself cause you're pretty and I'd stay and talk cause you're interesting."

* * *

"Am I staying the night?" Amy asked like there was even a chance of him kicking her out. He may have felt a little bad that she thought she even had to ask, until he remembered they really had only known each other for six days. She was right about the whole years thing, but he would say it was like they'd known each other for three instead of two.

"Is your roommate going to think I murdered you?" Jake pulled her closer and tried to focus on how great it was and not how unusual it was.

There was always that awkward phase in a new relationship where you still weren't used to being together and it was just uncomfortable until you blew past it. Usually there was one person who would push past it and bring the other with them. There was always a line that a couple had to break.

But there wasn't one here, between him and Amy. And it wasn't like one of them had broken the line in record time, it was that there never was one.

Technically the clock didn't start until she said the words "I'd like that" but even before that he just wanted to be touching her. And not like inappropriately (though that was enjoyable too). Just, y'know, touching. Skin to skin contact was vastly underrated when not involved in a sexual context.

After she said the words "I'd like that" he had been afraid to touch her. Because he couldn't tell where the line was.

Jake was a very sociable person, and as one he was pretty great at picking up nonverbal signals. So he _always_ knew where the line was, or at least the general area. And he was a contributing factor to wherever the line was for that relationship, just how comfortable they were together and how quick they were able to adjust.

But he didn't have anything to contribute to the barrier this time, and that was weird enough on it's own. But he couldn't tell where Amy's line was either.

Normally it would be Jake/So-and-so's line, and if the pattern continued it would have been Jake/Amy's line here. But he had absolutely no qualms about it (at least in terms of his own comfortableness), so all that was left was Amy's line. And from all of the social cues he could read subconsciously (if he had to actually think about it he didn't know how he picked up on most of that stuff, but just that he did) Amy didn't have a line either. So he couldn't tell where her line was and he was afraid of crossing it too quickly since he had no clue where it began and where it ended, and the last thing he wanted to do was make her uncomfortable.

So he didn't touch her.

Until she did the whole hand cheek thing. That made it abundantly clear that if Amy did in fact have a line, even she didn't know where it was.

"No, I texted her."

"When?"

If he remembered correctly her purse was dropped somewhere by the front door, and both of their clothes were still scattered across the floor between there and his bedroom, and he definitely would have noticed if she left the bed to look for her phone. It was hard to keep his hands off of her, much less his eyes.

"Back in town, when I was getting the drinks. I told her there was the possibility we'd end up back at your place," Amy murmured into his chest, and it felt really nice until he had to go and ruin it all with his reaction.

"Seriously?! You thought that back in town? Why didn't you do something about it?" He criticized her as he jolted up. Not straight up, but more like jolted halfway up because he realized what he was doing, but it was already too late. Jake had ruined their comfortable position. And now Amy was looking at him like he was crazy, which was probably a valid concern.

"I felt like such an awful person for the first 40 seconds after kissing you cause I thought that I freaked you out or something. And then I was completely confused for the next five minutes straight. To tell you the truth, I'm still a bit confused," he admitted with a sigh. "The guy doesn't always have to make the first move, y'know."

"I know that," she responded like she was insulted. "I just don't make a habit of spending time with people people, so I didn't know if you actually liked me or were just being all extroverted all over the place," Amy explained as she wiggled her fingers like a poor attempt at jazz hands that got mixed with itsy bitsy spider along the way, reaching a crescendo on the word 'extroverted'.

And she was so, so wrong about herself. Because she was interesting, and fascinating, and mesmerizing- and everything that's the opposite of boring. If anyone could see her right then like he could, they'd know in an instant that she was anything _but_ boring (though hopefully she'd be dressed if other people were looking).

Her hair was in disarray as it spilled onto her shoulders with single strands sticking out at the oddest angles, and she kept having to blow the same thin strip out of her face every so often. Amy was definitely one of those people who made sure they looked perfect and presentable every time they left the house, including their hair. And while it had always looked nice before, Jake's favorite was the mess it was in now, so of course he was going to mess it up every chance he got.

Really, he could spend hours thinking about how great she looked. And even if it was far from presentable, she looked absolutely perfect in that moment. Because she was beautiful, crazy fingers and all. Every expression that crossed her face made her look more alive than anyone he had ever seen. Her eyes were the best part. They were wild and warm in her indictment of his personality, but faded into softness that was still just as warm when they met his.

That's when Jake realized another thing he should have been paying attention to was how long he was staring, but when he snapped out of it he still had no clue.

"You okay?" She questioned with the slightest twinge of trepidation.

"Yeah."

"Why do I not believe you," she formed it as a statement of doubt, not a question. Damn, he'd probably been making a weird face for a while then, if not completely blank.

He could have told her the truth right then. That he was thinking she was the most interesting person he'd ever met, and that she was the most gorgeous thing he'd ever laid eyes on even without the shirtless aspect.

But Jake wasn't someone who was open with jazzy emotions, and if he tried to say something meaningful he was sure to ramble but there was no guarantee that it would be relevant this time. And somehow he was sure Amy knew that, and that she didn't expect him to confess everything he had been thinking. And Jake knew that if he backed out with a smile and a joke she would know that whatever made him stop and stare wasn't something to worry about, and that he'd tell her about it sometime.

This was a three year/two year/six day/four hour relationship after all.

"Are you sure I'm not just extroverting all over the place right now?" He repeated her itsy bitsy spider hands with his sarcastic response, and he was right. She knew then that it was nothing to worry about.

"I'll show you extroverting all over the place," Amy threatened without moving.

"Do it," he taunted, but he didn't regret it that time. He regretted the first taunt he made that night (or was it technically last night when they were at the gate?) immediately after, and he regretted the comment he made that gave her the idea to leave Beth's store as soon as it was out of his mouth, and he regretted the first kiss while he was still kissing her. But he didn't regret any of that now, because it somehow led to this, and if it didn't happen they might not have gotten here, and even if they did he might not have received the sudden tenderness and affection that he easily returned. So he didn't regret a thing.

He was thankful for everything that happened because it led them to this moment when Amy pushed him down and his head hit the pillow to show him her idea of 'extroverting'. Though it didn't seem any different from how they had been most of the time, because they both started laughing that faded into stupid silly grins.

"So, are you gonna stay?" Jake asked earnestly with a touch more seriousness than what they had dropped down from. He pushed the same strip of hair she had been blowing out of her face for much of the night and instead of tucking it behind her ear, he held it back and steadied his hand on her.

"Are you offering?" She smirked. She already knew the answer anyway, but he didn't mind saying it out loud, especially if she wanted to hear his response.

"Amy Santiago, I am definitely offering."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tada! Back when I made the teaser to this chapter I had planned on ending it at the cut off after the first kiss where they headed to his house and leave the rest for the next chapter, but once I had it all written out and had more of an idea what I wanted to happen after that I just put the rest in here too. I didn't realize how long it was until I was in the process of posting it and checked the word count.  
> But you guys don't mind, right?
> 
> So was it worth the wait?
> 
> And goodness, what ever could have happened 2 months and 5 days ago? I guess you'll have to keep reading to find out.  
> The magic of foreshadowing.


	4. Lazy days

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Pancakes? Pancakes.

Amy didn't know how long ago it was that she had a day like this. A day where she did nothing, or nothing of value- a quintessential lazy day. Though it was really anything but lazy. The sex was vigorous and exhausting- far from lazy. It wasn't as productive as most of her days tended to be, but it was definitely valuable.

It was great to hear his voice whispering all of the things she wanted him to say in her ear. Normally it would take her a good couple months for her to show even a bit of a kinky side with a new sexual partner, and even that was with people she had known for a time before they engaged in a romantic relationship. But she couldn't wait to hear Jake's voice. It wasn't that he was silent, it was just that her preference was to be talked through everything, with vivid descriptions and some very dirty words.

She didn't bring it up at first. Or second. Or third. She brought it up at fourth.

When she usually waited months before telling a partner she was into talking, she told Jake the fourth time they had sex. Not even on the fourth day of their relationship, but the fourth time they had sex.

Not the fourth day they had been dating, but the fourth time they had sex. Do you know how many times reasonably fit adults could have sex in a 24 hour period? Here's a hint: it's a lot.

And he immediately went with it and she didn't regret it at all. She told him how much she liked being told out loud when she was being fucked, and Jake was great at it.

* * *

They both agreed they were definitely going to hate themselves when they woke up on Sunday morning for pulling an all nighter on Friday night for the first time in years. But that didn't make them enjoy it any less while it was happening.

* * *

Even though she wore flats the night before (not those excruciating heels like on the first night they met) her feet still hurt since she wasn't used to that much walking. So when Jake started making them pancakes closer to lunch than breakfast, she brought a chair in from the dining room so she could still talk to him easily without having to stand any longer. So she could sit and watch him, really. He could just never stay still. Whether he was getting out ingredients or stirring, or turning burners to the right degree, he always had to be moving. Even if it was just a few steps back and forth. In less than 5 minutes he actually had to search for whatever utensil he had in his hand because he set it down in the middle of a thought. There were splotches of batter all over the counters and Amy hoped to god they were clean, and reasoned that pancakes were cooked anyway, so they would probably be okay regardless.

Probably. Hopefully.

He was just wearing a shirt and pajama pants, but he was going to have to change when all was done because he had managed to splatter it all over himself like it was intentional. As for her, she was wearing one of his shirts and a pair of his sweat pants. Guy clothes were always more comfy, especially compared to her outfit from last night. She didn't really have any casual clothes that were appropriate for going out. Not like inappropriate in a provocative sense, but Amy didn't like walking around in public in just sweatpants. She saved those for lounging around on her couch after she got home from a stressful work day.

The shorts she found after tearing through her closet were pretty much her last hope for attractive and casual, so she ignored the weird texture (it wasn't itchy, but still unsettling somehow). Her shirt was just fine, but she stole his anyway. It seemed pretty common for girls to like wearing their boyfriends clothes, and Amy figured that it had at least a little bit to do with how great they smelled. It seemed a little weird the more she thought about it, but after so many times of wearing it a guys smell stuck around a bit even through every wash. So Jake's clothes smelled great, and she was probably going to keep stealing them as long as he would let her.

Especially since Jake was her boyfriend now. She had known him a week and they were already dating. It was culturally acceptable for girlfriends to wear their boyfriends clothes. And Jake was Amy's boyfriend. So yeah, she wasn't going to stop unless he told her to, but she was reasonably sure that wasn't going to happen anytime soon with the way he had been looking at her all morning.

She figured guys would probably do the same if there wasn't such a different in body shape (like how girl's shirts were often fitted for their torso) but she would have to ask him about that.

"Those are my favorite pair, y'know," He eyed her legs as he waited for the pancakes to bubble on the burner.

"I can see why. Especially when last night was probably the most uncomfortable outfit that I've worn in years."

"Why did you wear it then?" He asked after he let out a laugh. He was leaned against the counter as relaxed as he could be with bright and carefree eyes. She swore she saw them twinkle, but brushed it off as a trick of the light.

"I was trying to impress you," Amy admitted without an ounce of embarrassment. For whatever reason the fact that she had gone through any amount of trouble to impress him the night before was something they could both smile and shake their heads then and there.

"Well it worked. But you look just as impressive right now." Jake tried to drive the point home with a tilt of the wrist, but he was still holding onto the spatula and ended up just flicking batter all over her. She flinched and grimaced at the splatter all over the clothes she was wearing (his clothes). Amy made a move to get up because god knows he wasn't going to help her find a towel to wipe down the mess he made, but she hadn't even noticed that he had crossed the floor until he was kissing her and giving her a fantastic motivation to stay seated.

It started out well enough, when his lips were pushing and pulling with hers, but then he kissed along her jaw and _licked_ her cheek. And then he licked her again. She recoiled in horror when she realized what he was doing.

"Gross! Gross, Jake!" Amy swiped at whatever was left on her cheek after all of his licking. "You cannot tell me that pancake batter tastes better than the outside of Oreos! That's just a lie!"

"Pan _cake_ , Amy. Key word being _cake_. Cake that you cook in a pan. And I promise you that it does taste better than the outside of Oreos. I swear by it."

He kissed her nose when she crinkled it and the only reason she didn't push him off when he started kissing her earnestly was because she couldn't taste the batter on his tongue because she knew it would be disgusting. Pancake was an obsolete name from back when they actually tasted as sweet as cakes, or when cakes tasted as sweet as pancakes- they were nowhere near close to the same level now. And Amy didn't even like super sweet things, but the little sugar taste from pancake batter was the wrong kind of slightly sweet taste.

He was so weird. But a good kisser. And a good everything else-er too.

"Burning," Amy said when she pulled back because she actually had the presence of mind to pay attention to their surroundings, but he captured her lips again and she got distracted for a few moments longer. "Smoking," she said the next time she pulled away. Jake just nodded and murmured an agreement because he was so conceited that he thought she was talking about making out with him when she said those two words. She would have rolled her eyes if he hadn't come back to her again- this time though his kissing only distracted her for a few seconds at most.

"Jake. The pancakes. They're burning. Your smoke alarm's going to go off."

That finally snapped him out of it and he tried to salvage what he could. He ended up throwing the first batch out since they were completely black, but his subsequent ones were more than enough to make up for it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys, how's it going?
> 
> So it looks like my updating schedule is going to change for the foreseeable future.
> 
> First off, cause I got a job!  
> It's as a caregiver for a special needs boy and his sister a few days a week and it's totally great. It was fantastic and serendipitous to say the least. I hadn't heard of the family until the last week of October, I had my interview with the guardian the first Tuesday of Nov and was hired by the end of the interview and all of the paperwork had to go through but we got word that it did so I'll definitely be more busy with that in the coming days.
> 
> Secondly I've had loads of medical issues over the years and it's gotten a bit worse lately, but there's been some news/advancements/revelations and so hopefully I'll be on a proper treatment ASAP and have more time to devote to myself.
> 
> So please forgive me if I get a lot more tardy with my updates. Thank you guys so much for being such lovely people!


	5. Smiley faces

It was weird being neighbors with your girlfriend. Like really weird. It was weird that she could just come over any time she wanted (but a good weird). And if she did stay the night, it was weird to fall asleep with her warmth and wake up with emptiness beside him (bad weird). And it was weird that she left him little notes every time about how cute he looked when he was sleeping when she got up super early to go to work and tried her best not to wake him (good weird).

And it was definitely weird how much Jake loved her little notes. He maintained that it should be illegal for any business to require their employees to be signed in _by_ 6:00 AM. If they swiped their card or did their pin code (Jake wasn't actually sure what form of electronic monitoring they used at Amy's work to track times, but he knew it was overkill) at 6:01 AM or, _god forbid,_ _6:02 AM_ that was unacceptable and deserved some sort of reprimandment. So Amy rolled out of bed at 5 o'clock on the dot so she'd have enough time to get to work early enough that even if there was a traffic level from a 20 car pile up she would arrive no later than 5:45.

Now school for the kids didn't start until 8:30 AM, and Jake always tried to get there around 7:30, but more often than not he got there at 7:45. He could manage to get to work at 7:30 if he ever got up right when his alarm went off at 7 AM, but he usually hit the snooze button for a total of 15 minutes, hence the 7:45 arrival.

So there was a two hour difference between Amy's wake up and Jake's wake up on weekdays, so she always tried her best to not make a ruckus when she left in the morning. And every morning there was a note next to the pot of coffee that said something about how she had to resist kissing him awake, or how she couldn't wait until Saturday morning so she actually could sleep in with him. And if she didn't have any special thoughts to say that morning, she would just leave a sticky note that featured an expertly drawn smiley face. Jake didn't know how she managed to make her smiley faces (the two simple dots and the smile) look so professional every time, but they always looked perfect like they were clip art or some sort of graphic design than someone drawing them because they were always the same and always perfect.

The notes felt embarrassingly similar to a mom sending notes in a kid's lunch box every day and Jake should've been bothered by that, but they really made him too happy to be properly embarrassed by the sappiness.

Seeing her smiley faces always made him smile.

* * *

 

Amy never was a spontaneous person, even if it involved her ambition. But everything aligned for her to move to Fairfield she went with it (after some very careful deliberation). It was the same company she worked for in Chicago, and for the transfer she was offered a higher position and pay grade- really her main motivator because a promotion went towards her ambition drive which combated her cautious nature in pretty much all walks of her life. She wasn't the only one offered the position, but nobody else wanted it because Fairfield was in the middle of nowhere and hundreds of miles away from where all of her coworker's lives were built. But Amy wasn't particularly attached to the apartment she'd lived in for close to a decade, and five of her seven brothers didn't even live in the same state they all grew up in anymore.

Then there was Kylie. Amy's best friend since they were assigned roommates in college. Kylie had been living in the area for the past couple years, but she was looking to move closer to the center of the city because she lived on the outskirts of town before due to apartment prices, but they were cheaper because it was close to an hour's drive away considering all the traffic.

Kylie's lease was up and she figured out it was _almost_ cheaper for a single person to get a house than a single person to get an apartment (and when you factored in all the amenities it really was more bang for your buck) so all the stars aligned and Amy and Kylie got the house on Tacoma together.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Goodness, it has been awhile since this was last updated, hasn't it?  
> My bad.  
> And sorry this chapter is kinda filler-y. I wanted it out though, so it is. A filler-y chapter is better than nothing until the next one comes out, right?
> 
> Seriously, life's just being life right now and all over the place, but none of my multichapters have been abandoned.  
> Finally, Are You Nervous?, Marco Polo, I Know You Like the Back of my Hand, Camera Obscura, and of course The Boy Next Door- they're all still ongoing.  
> Now you see why my multichapters aren't updated on any sort of regular schedule? It's cause I have 6 of them. Which is pretty much all my fault, but I love them all too much to have waited till at least one was finished when I had them, plus the one shots I release in the midst.
> 
> I might do some little advertising in case you want to check out one multichapter while waiting for updates on this one
> 
> Finally - normal universe? What's the word for not AU but not a futurefic? Like current and was cannon compliant-ish except I made it start in like the last 5 minutes of Johnny and Dora, but I also wrote like the first 14 chapters before season 3 started, so...
> 
> Are You Nervous?- Explicit smut get together fic in the normal universe with dom!Amy and sub!Jake
> 
> Marco Polo- College Party AU, really meeting at a college party and that's the first chapter (I only planned for it to be a one shot when I started it) but now it's really just a college AU involving no parties after that, but it's more like a college age AU because Amy's attending a university while Jake's doing online college, so if you're looking for a college AU where the characters have classes together and live in dorms type of AU this is not what you're looking for. Really more about their relationship (plus Amy's social anxiety) than the college experience. Kinda like the real life AU that Boy Next Door is than it is a college AU, because the college part of their lives is not the focus at all or even the main setting or plot points.
> 
> I Know You Like the Back of My Hand- High school AU where Amy starts off as Jake's tutor, until his grades get high enough that he doesn't require the mandatory tutoring sessions and cause he can't deal with emotions he starts sabotaging his grades. Really digs into abandonment issues in the beginning. Like if you like stories where Jake and Amy cry together, there is some mutual sobbing and comforting. And, you know, high school.
> 
> Camera Obscura- Celebrity AU, Amy's famous, Jake's not, and they get to know each other before Jake realizes who she is. So many spy puns that I'm not sorry for at all.


	6. Yellow file/visitor's pass

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Amy stops by Jake's classroom.

9 AM texting

**_Jake:_ **

_hey, you remember how I was saying the other day that you have horrible work hours and it's inhumane to require people to wake up before 5:30 in the morning?_

 

**_Amy:_ **

_Yes. I remember that. I'm assuming you're about to ask me for a favor regarding my work hours._

 

**_J_ **

_Would you mind using your horrible work hours to do me a favor?_

 

**_A_ **

_What?_

 

**_J_ **

_So you know how I've been complaining all week that I have this important meeting after school today and how I totally need to not forget that yellow file at home? I left it by the door this morning_

 

**_A_ **

_Haven't you had sticky notes on the inside of your front door all week so you couldn't leave this morning without seeing the reminders to not forget the file? So you couldn't miss them and they were impossible to not notice?_

 

**_J_ **

_Yup_

 

**_A_ **

_You walked right out the door without even reading them, didn't you?_

 

**_J_ **

_Yup_

 

* * *

 

Amy sighed, because he really was hopeless when it came to things like this.

* * *

 

 

**_J_ **

_I know I'm a lost cause. And I'd like to promise that this will never happen again, but that's guaranteed to be a lie. Is today your work from home day? I know I should know that by now since it's the same day every week, but I can't even remember my own important yellow folder so it's kinda hopeless on me trying to remember which days you have you have to be at work by 6 AM and the one day a week that you get to just work a few hours at your place. So I can't remember if it's Friday or Thursday that you get to do boring stuff on computers in your pajamas. Or maybe it's Monday. Or Tuesday. I know for sure it's not Wednesday. Best boyfriend ever, right?_

 

**_A_ **

_What time do you need it by?_

 

**_J_ **

_I was hoping if it wasn't too much trouble you might take pity on me and come drop off the file by 4 :D? I mean, I can probably stall like 10 minutes past if it comes to that, but it'll look supes unprofessional. I know it's all my fault and I'm an idiot, but I'll get you loads of ice cream if you help me :3_

 

**_A_ **

_What time do you need it by to look extremely professional?_

 

**_J_ **

_3:45 would make a great impression and I might actually seem prepared for once in my life_

 

**_A_ **

_The file will be in your hands by 3:45, but you're coming home with the organic strawberry ice cream I like, okay?_

 

**_J_ **

_You're a life saver_

* * *

 

Amy finally found the room number that Jake said was his (307), but she was lucky she didn't get lost in the halls. Apparently he told the front office in advance she was coming by later that afternoon because they were expecting her, and she still had to sign in and get a visitor's pass, but they just let her walk around by herself. She didn't even get an unofficial escort- they just trusted her. Though really, they must have trusted Jake because she was sure that even parents of kids who went to the school would have gotten walked in and shown around the first few times. The perks of dating a teacher.

She hadn't been inside an elementary school since she was a student at one herself. Even though she loved school when she was a kid, all her life she had never once wanted to be a teacher. When she was fantasizing about future careers when as a kid she wanted to be in charge of a business team, not in charge of a classroom. If she did go into education she probably would have wanted to be on a board of directors or something- even a principal would've been too close to being a teacher and dealing with kids and parents all day.

So she never wanted to be a teacher, but she always did kinda want to be able to walk around a school like she belonged. As a kid she never got to see the file room, or the storage closets, or the workroom. She had forgotten how much she wanted to see that stuff when she was younger- all the boring stuff that was off limits because she was 10 years old at the time.

She was going to have to see if she could come by after school next time and Jake could help her fulfill some school fantasies. Not even kinky school fantasies, but childhood school fantasies. Obviously she didn't go to the elementary school that Jake worked at, but he could still get her in to see a real elementary school file room that she had so wrongly been denied access from because she was _such_ a responsible 4 th grader. She didn't even want to do anything kinky like kiss him when they got to the file room. She just really, really wanted to see a file room.

It was good to be dating a teacher.

* * *

 

She didn't even think she had the right room at first. There were kids all completing a work sheet quietly and she noticed an adult sitting at a teacher's desk in the back corner of the room, but she didn't think it was Jake.

Sure, it was an adult male with short brown hair that was focused on grading papers on his desk, but he was so still. Jake was always bouncing off the walls. While Jake Peralta's natural state was vibrating with energy, the man sitting at the desk wasn't even tapping his fingers in the hand that wasn't holding the pen. The stranger in the seat was actually calm.

Plus, even though his head was tilted down and she couldn't see his whole face, he was wearing glasses. Her boyfriend did _not_ wear glasses.

She was about to walk down to the office again to get some help finding her way to the right room, until the stranger moved his attention to input grades into a computer program, his concentration shifting back and forth from the screen to the papers and Amy Santiago found out that her boyfriend did in fact wear glasses.

He probably assumed that she would text him if she was coming way earlier than 3:45, so safe to say he wasn't expecting her to be standing at his door at 1:30 PM. Amy thought that it would be fun to surprise him, so she didn't tell him how early she would be arriving. He probably wouldn't be in focused teacher mode if he was expecting her to come by anytime soon.

It was great watching him in a different environment.

She was just leaning against the door that was wide open on a door stop the whole time, but he was so focused that he didn't even look in her direction.

While Jake was focused without his ADD eyes bouncing off the walls, the 3rd graders... not so much. She wasn't even there 60 seconds until a kid saw her and she held up her finger in a silent shushing motion over her smile. A few minutes later five more kids were in on the conspiracy and even though they didn't know who she was, they got that it was a practical joke on their teacher that another adult was encouraging.

When most of the class was in on it they managed to hold in their giggles, but they were being the loud sort of quiet that only children could manage to be- even not making a peep or whispering they were restless noise that only a group of kids could do as a whole.

It was obvious that Jake noticed the noise, but was just ignoring them and hoping if he left it alone their distraction would die out instead of the whole class erupting if he commented on it, but he also probably thought that their distraction was one of the kids and not someone standing at the door for him.

By 10 minutes only two of the students hadn't noticed her, and when one looked up from the worksheet she laughed a very distinct laugh that she tried to hold in but it bursted through her fingers, and all of the students whipped their head at her for breaking the illusion.

“Is there something funny about subtracting fractions, Jamie?” Jake asked without glancing up, but even without knowing any of the kids in his class it was clear the question was directed at the girl with the distinct high pitched giggle.

“Mr. Peralta, someone's at the door,” Jamie said to bring him in on the loop too.

At that Jake looked up, and when he saw it was her he dropped all the maturity and immediately picked up his goofy grin.

Amy tilted her head to invite him to speak to her in the hallway and he reminded the kids that if they finished their worksheets they could bring out and work on their art projects from earlier that morning, which immediately refocused them on the task at hand.

“What are you doing here so early? I thought you weren't gonna be for two hours,” Jake's grin was sign enough of how pleased he was to see her.

“I missed you,” she smiled. “I like you in glasses. How did I not know that you wore them?”

She was positive she'd never seen him wear any, and she was pretty sure she would have stumbled across a pair when she was looking for something or another because he just crammed stuff anywhere and everywhere. It was damn near impossible to find anything at his place. She spent a good 10 minutes the other day just sifting through all the drawers at his computer desk looking for a stapler (the stapler turned up the next day in buried at the bottom of the hall closet under a pile of jackets- with no explanation for how it got there). Amy was sure she would have seen a pair of glasses in one of his junk drawers by now.

It was completely unfair how cute he looked in glasses. Huge, dorky glasses too. Thick black frames that took his usual cute and childish expressions and upgraded them from adorable to adorkable. She usually thought that glasses made people look a little bit older and more mature, but Jake's huge glasses made him look a good 10 years younger like an eager and wide eyed grad student ready for midterm exams. Seriously, seriously cute.

“I'm fine most of the time outside of school, but kids have the worst handwriting ever and I spend hours all day trying to decipher it,” he said with a tap to the rims. “I don't use 'em much, but I was doing those awful bubble sheets every spare moment I had this morning, so on days like these I don't even bother straining my eyes trying to adjust.”

She wasn't so unprofessional that she wanted to get him in trouble but since there wasn't anyone in the hallway and they were out of the vantage point of any of the 3rd grade classrooms she didn't think it would hurt give him a quick kiss on the cheek, but when she pulled back he scolded her like she had done something beyond scandalous.

“Are you crazy? I'm a gross teacher. The kids will freak out if they see me acting like a real human being!”

Amy couldn't help but smile and roll her eyes, but she figured it would be best not to drag out her interruption.

“Ice cream. Strawberry,” she said and pushed the yellow file in his chest.

“You're the boss, boss.”

* * *

 

Of course he had the extra important meeting which she knew meant that he would be home even later than usual, but he at least texted her when he was done and en route with the strawberry ice cream so she was standing at his doorstep with the sweetest smile on her face when he pulled into his driveway.

And she kept that sweet smile on until they were both inside and the door shut behind them, then pushed him against the door and kissed him hard.

Even though he wasn't expecting the ardent attack without even taking more than a couple steps in his house, and even though he still had the grocery bag with the strawberry ice cream around his fingers, he was quick to get swept up in her frenzy.

He was kinda expecting her to want to dig into the ice cream first thing, not dig into him.

But it was clear from her desperation that she had been waiting on him to get home, not the groceries he was bringing. Even with the slight surprise, it wasn't like it was possible for him to resist getting infected by her impatience and he set the expensive, organic ice cream down on the floor while still lip locked (even though he felt like dropping it then).

When Amy moved onto nipping his neck and unbuttoning his shirt the furthest thing from his mind was the ice cream that was beginning to melt, but he had to ask what brought this on. He was curious to say the least about what was so different about today that he got the fuck-you-against-the-door treatment first thing.

“What's all this for?” He smirked, but lost his smirk when Amy bit his throat harsh enough to make him groan as a lesson for teasing.

“God, Mr. Peralta is so hot. I don't think I've ever seen you serious for a moment. And today you actually looked like a mature and responsible grown up. I'm more than happy with normal goofy you, but I haven't stopped thinking about you in authority figure mode all day.”

He would have teased her about being kinky then and there, but he settled on saving it for later when he was going to go back to get some more ice cream from the store, because the one on the floor was going to be melted by the time they were through with this, and he wasn't going to break away from his super hot and kinky girlfriend just to put some stupid yet slightly costly ice cream in the freezer.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I've had most of this written for awhile, but I wasn't satisfied with it, but I slapped on some sentences here and there and made a heckuvalot of edits yesterday and today, and now I'm happy with the end result, so here it is! Ta da!
> 
> And dude, I brought in some glasses for Jake in a chapter of Finally, and I brought it in here too because any chance to shoehorn in an image of Andy Samberg wearing glasses is a chance I am gonna take with no regrets.
> 
> I have been dying to add all this teacher stuff to this fic, but I needed it to progress a little bit further before I had actual teacher chapters, so that's why Jake and Amy got together within 3 chapters, because I /really/ wanted them to be dating and show some actual teacher life stuff as soon as possible, cause I was just itching for it.
> 
> Personal anecdote: Can you tell I'm a teacher's kid? And a teacher's sister? Well, my brother is getting his bachelors degree and he's got 3 years down out of the 4 year program (he'll be student teaching next year), but that's close enough to teaching. Can you tell that my first job with a paycheck (none of that babysitting shnazz) was a teacher's aide at a special needs summer school? 
> 
> When people hear about our family anecdote they always say “So teaching runs in your family, huh?”  
> But my mom is the first teacher on my mom's side and there's no teachers on my dad's side, and I feel like there needs to be more than just a single generation of something to say it “runs in the family”. I know it's just a saying, but I think if my brothers or I have kids that go into teaching in the future then we can say it runs in the family. There need to be some grandmothers and grandkids, aunts and uncles, and cousins to be added to say it runs in the family, not just a mom and two of her kids.
> 
> But yeah, teaching. Teaching teaching teaching. All the learning. For all the days.  
> Woo! Summer!


	7. Already Normal and Always Enough

If she didn't live literally across the street she could still come over whenever she wanted, but it was so convenient that she could come over all the times she wanted despite other life obligations and things that kept them busy otherwise.

If she lived across town he probably wouldn't see her literally every day- but it was great getting to see her literally every day. She spent the night a lot, which was more than fine by him. But she still very much lived at her own place.

* * *

They'd been dating for just over two months when he realized something about the whole situation bothered him, though it took him a bit longer to pinpoint what exactly it was. If she did live across town it would probably be too soon to even think about bringing over a ton of her stuff. But she didn't even bring over any of her stuff, not even a little.

She kept a spare change of clothes that she never used since it was more like a last resort thing if she couldn't go back to her house to choose a better work outfit in the morning. Which she never ended up needing to use. The only other thing that she kept at his place was a toothbrush (and toothpaste). Nothing else. She never even left a single pony tail holder. Or one of her small puzzle books filled with crosswords or Sudoku (which she had a million of). Never left a pencil on the table. Nothing.

He got that it was the whole convenience thing, but he wanted more than just a single outfit and a toothbrush.

* * *

“You know, you could leave some stuff here if you wanted,” Jake said trying to be as subtle as possible. Amy already knew he was weird about stuff like that, and she had told him that she was totally fine with him being weird with stuff like that and she understood. But even when she didn't mind him being weird he still felt super weird while he was being weird about it. He was still so cringy about stuff, but she could uncringe him because there was only so much cringe that he was capable of feeling until it just canceled out.

She was weird in the exact opposite direction. Jake was super closed off- more so than most- but Amy had literally no shame. It was unnatural for people to be as open and honest as she was. Normal human beings had at least an ability to feel awkward. Whenever Jake started getting all rambly, shifty, and incredibly uncomfortable she was supposed to feel at least a bit of vicarious awkwardness on his behalf. That was how humans worked. Awkwardness was contagious – except for Amy, somehow. When he got all weird and awkward about serious stuff it didn't make her feel uncomfortable at all, and didn't even make a difference. Obviously she noticed when it was happening, but she wasn't like a normal human being who felt awkward when the person they were talking to obviously felt so overwhelmingly awkward. It was unnatural how open and comfortable she was when he had been all red faced and fidgety for the past 10 minutes when they were talking about serious feelings and junk.

So yeah, she was weird in the exact opposite direction. Which worked out pretty well most of the time. She could uncringe him in no time, and didn't even feel awkward about uncringing him and helping him not feel awkward. So it was good. Weird, but good.

“You don’t have to do that. It’s not like it’s a long trip to pick up what I need,” Amy said as she twittled her pencil on the page she was finishing in her Sudoku book. She had mindless things that she did with numbers, and mindful things. Mindless was like Sudoku that she did when they were just watching TV or something together and she wasn’t even paying much attention to the problems in front of her, but she was still doing them correct. He told her that she wasn’t supposed to exert brain power when she was relaxing, but she said it was a calming thing to do occupy herself. She said if she actually wanted to challenge herself she would have pulled up some expert level difficulties, but when she was bored and just wanted to do stuff without thinking about it she just used medium.

“Well, if you wanted to I wouldn’t mind.”

“Really, it’s not a- oh!” Her head shot up to look at him when she realized what exactly he was offering. “Oh, you’re doing that whole drawer thing, aren’t you?”

“No? Yes? Maybe? I don’t know. Am I?”

He didn’t set out with the intention of doing a relationship milestone or something, but he wasn’t opposed to it. He didn’t say it for the symbolism, he just kinda wanted some of her stuff here. Which was weird since it was her belongings- and he didn’t even care if it was just junk. He just wanted her to keep something more than a toothbrush and some clothes. She didn’t even keep one of her Sudoku books or even a phone charger over here.

“Seems like it. And you’d be okay with that? That wouldn’t bother you?”

“Why would it bother me?”

“Usually that starts cause of convenience, but I can’t exactly use that excuse. I also thought- like you live alone in your one story house and I live with Kylie in my two story house, and I think maybe it would be different if either you had a roommate or if I lived alone- I just don't want you to feel like I'm slowly taking over your place. You're the one who always says he's bad with stuff like this. I just thought it'd be best to keep my stuff down to a minimum,” she shrugged.

“Anyone ever told you you think too much?” He smiled, and Amy shook her head at him with a soft chuckle because he told her that _all_ the time. When she was worried about something and getting more and more anxious the more she started thinking about all the ways it could go wrong. He'd come and drag her out of it, out of thinking about everything that could go wrong and making her forget about all her worries for a bit so her brain could just have a break from her semi-regular anxiety spirals.

“Seriously though, Ames, you've been thinking way too hard about this. _Way_ too hard. You wanna know what I've been doing while you've apparently been analyzing the number of stories and the number of roommates? I've been swatting your pens off the table like a passive aggressive cat so they'll roll under the couch cause you need to contribute to this mess but you just won't.”

At that admission Amy gave him her _seriously? Are you insane? Are you even human?_ Look she always gives him when she's just dumbfounded by some of the weird shit he pulls on occasion.

It really is a look of hers that she has on retainer especially for Jake Peralta. The look where he breaks her brain for a second and she squints with an _is anybody actually that dumb?_ Look before she remembers that yes, Jake Peralta really is that dumb.

“Sorry?” He offered with the most innocent smile he could muster for optimum forgiveness. “That made it sound more planned out and intentional than it actually was. I wasn't like hiding and planting your pens so you couldn't find them or something. It was more of a bored jerk cat swatting things off the table just cause it's a cat. I swatted lots of pens off the table and when they landed on the floor I picked them up and put them back on the table, but if they rolled under the couch from a skillful swat I did nothing about it. You won't even leave a pen here unless it's been cat swatted under the couch and you don't even realize it. I think there's three under the one your sitting on right now. From like a month of swatting. Sorry about that.”

Without a word Amy ducked over the front of the couch, head upside down and hair on the floor peering underneath for any pens she could see.

“Oh come on, man,” Amy groaned two seconds later as she wriggled her hand underneath the couch trying to reach at least one pen that she had a chance of getting to while still laying on top of the couch. He watched her struggle upside down, hair swishing on the floor as she hung off the edge of the cushions and tried to stretch far enough to reach it, when suddenly she popped her head up and her hand emerged victorious from the depths holding a pen.

Her cheeks were a little pink from all the blood rushing to her head and her hair was all over the place from the sudden whip it got, and he couldn't help but think about how cute she looked in that moment. Even though it was maybe all his fault and he should probably feel at least a little bit bad instead of thinking about how cute his girlfriend looked after dealing with the minor inconvenience he caused.

“You know this isn't normal human behavior, right?” She shook her pen at him. “Turns out I'm just dating a cat.”

“Like I said: Sorry?”

“You're ridiculous. You and your crazy cat antics,” Amy shook her head with only a slight tad of exasperation, which was probably the best reaction he could hope for. “I guess I should be glad you have enough house training to not be swatting glasses off the counter, huh?”

Truth was though, after two months of dating Jake Peralta, this was actually something that seemed pretty normal to her. Jake's weirdness became her normal so quickly.

She liked his weirdness.

When she stood up to walk over to him he looked mildly frightened at first, but she just came and sat down on the arm of the couch beside him. Well, technically above and beside him, since sitting on the arm of the couch meant she was a whole head higher than him, and was using his shoulder as an elbow rest as she looked down at him with a teasy little smirk and patted him on the head.

“Aw, you're just like one of those pets who thinks he's people!” She teased him, and okay, he probably deserved that. He definitely deserved that.

“Really though, Jake. I've been trying to keep my stuff over here to a minimum for your benefit. It's not like I just hate the idea of some of my stuff existing on this side of the street. I thought the less over here the better for your comfort level. I thought you'd be more comfortable with that,” she kiltered off with an unconvincing shrug.

“Where on earth did you get that idea? Did you get it from me? Have I been unintentionally giving off that vibe or something? Did I say something or do something that gave you the impression that I didn’t want tons of your stuff here? Because that was the exact opposite of what I actually want. You need to contribute to some of this mess. Some of my messy house should be at least 10% Amy Santiago mess by now. You've earned that. With all the time you do spend here you should have amassed a 10% mess of your junk out of the 100% mess of my home. The only things you keep here are a toothbrush, one outfit, and three pens under the couch. Did I do something that made you think I didn't want you to leave any of your stuff over here at all?” Jake asked with genuine concern. She could tell by the look on his face that he was worried and felt horrible for doing something to make her think that.

When he didn't do anything of the sort. He didn't do anything or say anything to make her think he wanted that. But he was already starting to feel bad over something that he thought might have happened based on her reaction. When he shouldn't feel bad at all because nothing of the sort happened.

“No, nothing like that. I guess I kinda just assumed because of the situation. Nothing to do with you or any of vibes of yours,” Amy said with an affectionate smile and ruffled his hair. “Promise. I guess I didn't really think that much of it either. Just an automatic assumption, I guess. Assumption from the situation. Not a thing to do with my snarky kitty cat.”

When Amy went from ruffling his hair just now to stroking his hair to keep going with the cat joke and petting him he didn't even try to stop her. Or move away. Even though he knew she was just trying to be funny with it as a light joke on him for pen swatting pay back it felt really nice actually. So he didn't even give a snarky quip to her snark cat insults or move his head or anything. Cause Amy stroking his hair in a petting manner rather than the normal running fingers through hair manner felt surprisingly relaxing.

And there was the smile on Amy's face as she kept going, that little knowing and slightly smug smile where he could tell she knew exactly what he was thinking, and how much he liked it too.

“Well, what about the situation is so assuming?”.

“I mean… I don’t know,” Amy shrugged as she thought a bit more, because even she knew that was a pretty terrible answer. “I think it would be different if either I lived alone or if you had a roommate. But I live in my two story house with Kylie and you live in your one story house alone, and I didn’t want you to feel like I’m slowly taking over your place. Usually leaving stuff at each other’s place in a relationship starts because of convenience. Which doesn’t really apply since it’s only a 30 foot walk between my house and yours. Well, it’d probably be 50 feet if we’re counting the walk across the street and from the curb to our doorsteps,” Amy corrected herself because of course she had to be accurate. It wasn’t like the distance of 30 feet or 50 feet actually affected her argument at all, but she wouldn’t be the Amy Santiago he knew if she let a miscalculation like that slide when it was completely inconsequential in the first place and she was only trying to illustrate her point.

Not like Jake would be able to fact check her on that. He was never good at estimating distances- If she just said it took 20 feet to cross the street and get to each other’s houses he would have believed her. If she said it took 200 feet to cross the street and get to each other’s houses he would have believed her. He wouldn’t even be able to accurately guess the number of feet if they were both outside right now and he was actually looking at the distance between them. He sucked at guessing length that long, and Amy knew he never would have thought to question her. The correction was for her benefit only since he wouldn’t be able to tell and didn’t care about the difference. The correction was for her sake only, but it still made him smile because that was just so her.

Sitting on the arm of the couch and leaning back as she pet him like a cat when she was doing math in her head was very Amy Santiago, and everything Amy Santiago made him smile.

“Anyways, without the convenience excuse if I just kept leaving more and more stuff here over time- I didn’t want it to seem like I was taking over or sneak moving in if I just left junk everywhere.”

“Amy, my home already is junk everywhere,” he laughed. “Long before I met you. The last time my living situation was this organized I was 24 years old and still living with my mom. Doing the whole fiscally responsible thing when I was in college getting my bachelor’s degree cause it was a whole lot cheaper to pay the gas for a 45 minute commute to university than getting a dorm at some far away place. Still, you get the point. My living situation hasn't been this clean and organized in years. I'm not even exaggerating- the last time my living situation was this orderly was when I was 24 years old and my mom's house was my living situation. All the years since wherever I was living was a black hole of mess and chaos. Don't you remember how black holey my house was when we first met? Total disaster zone. My home hasn't been this nice and neat, like, ever. You were rearranging my bookshelf the other day because you said it bothered you that it wasn’t in alphabetical order! How can you be worried about your junk making a mess in here when my junk has never been been so orderly since it was introduced to your neat freak OCD tendencies? If you brought in whole boxes of your crap and just dumped it all on the living room floor and strewn it about every which way my house will still be cleaner than it was before I met you. You know that’s true. How could you be worried about leaving just one puzzle book when you knew all of that?” Jake chuckled and reached up to stroke the loose strands on her temple that had fallen free from her pony tail with his thumb.

He had the sweetest look on his face with probably the most affectionate smile she had ever seen, and it just wasn’t fair when he gave her looks like that. She could never think of what to say when he looked at her like that.

Amy just smiled softly at him, almost sheepishly, but he knew what that meant. When she placed her hand over his own that was cradling her cheek and smiled down at him, he knew what that meant. She wasn’t always the best with words either, or even talking, really. And one of the wonderful things about Jake was that she didn’t have to be. She didn’t have to be good at anything, and she didn’t have to try to be something she wasn’t because she wasn’t good enough. She didn’t have to feel bad about not knowing the right things to say when her boyfriend said sweet stuff to her and she didn’t know how to return the sentiment. That was something she always felt pretty inadequate about in previous relationships - not knowing what to say back to someone she cared about, and she couldn’t help but feel like she disappointed them by not saying anything or saying the wrong thing.

She didn’t have to worry about that with Jake, because just a soft smile and a simple touch was enough. That was enough to communicate how much what he said meant to her. Just the smile and affection in her gaze right now was more than enough for him to understand. He didn’t need any words from her. She wasn’t good with words in situations like these, and the great thing with Jake is that she didn’t have to be. How she was was enough. She didn’t have to do anything more than be herself. That was enough. She was enough.

She closed her eyes and leaned into his palm that she was still holding against her cheek and sighed. When she opened them back up a few moments later Jake’s smile had gone from sweet and quirked into something mischievous and before she had a chance to even wonder what he had planned he wrapped his arm around her hip and moved his other hand from her cheek to get a hold on her upper back and suddenly pulled her down from her position on the armrest and into him. It was all so quick and fast she actually squealed at her sudden and unexpected controlled drop. Jake held her to him so in the course of three seconds it went from him sitting up on the edge of the couch and her sitting on up on the arm rest right next to him to Jake lying on his back on the couch with Amy on top of him. It took about 0.2 seconds of the both of them lying there for them to break out into laughter.

“You’re such a weirdo,” she said through her laughter.

“You’re such a dork,” he shot back, and it just made them laugh harder.

* * *

  _They had gotten into the habit of spending most of their nights together pretty quickly. They spent five to six nights a week together in the same bed, on average. Before that was their established routine, back when Jake was her **new** boyfriend and not just her boyfriend he always had to be so freaking adorable about it and ask if she wanted to have a sleepover that night._

“ _I'm getting the feeling you just want to have a sleepover with me every night,” she teased him when they were spooning one night on their 6 th sleepover in a row._

“ _Uh, yeah. Duh. Are you just now getting that? I didn't think that was a big secret. I thought that was pretty obvious by now. I wasn't trying to be subtle about it. Are you just now getting that I ask you if you want to spend the night every night because I want you to spend the night every night? Did that just slip past you or something? Why on earth would I ever **not** want to spend the night with you? I only invite you to a sleepover every night cause apparently I still have to invite you every single night when I **always** wanna have a spoony sleepover with you on **all** the nights,” he murmurs, kissing the back of her neck sweetly (he was big spoon that particular night)._

“ _Oh,” she said after a few seconds of silence. “Oh. Really? You just... you just want me to stay every night? Invitation or not? You really- you really want to stop asking and just have me assume that you wanting me to stay over every night is a given? Seriously? You want that? Are you sure?”_

“ _Amy, why on earth would I ever want to sleep alone when I could be sleeping next to you?” He sighed, his voice all sleepy and his breath warm on her skin as he pulled her closer. “Cuddling and falling asleep next to my super awesome girlfriend is the best. You're already aware of how much of a clingy sleeper I am. When you're not here I have nothing to cling to. You're my favorite thing to cling to. And cuddle with. Clinging, cuddling, it's all the same thing. So yes, I would be very happy with you realizing that me wanting you to stay the night on any and every night is a given. If you want. Whenever you want.”_

“ _Yeah, sounds good,” she couldn't help but smile. “Wouldn't want to leave you all alone and scared without your big spoon protecting you from the dark, would I?”_

“ _You know, that joke doesn't really work when I'm being big spoon tonight, right?”_

“ _Remind me to say it tomorrow night, then,” she smirked, settling into the feeling of Jake's quiet laughter rumbling in his chest. Settling into his warmth and closing her eyes to drift off to sleep, feeling his smile as he kissed her shoulder blade sweet and featherlight. Amy just sighed, completely content._

* * *

 “Besides, you already have a drawer at my place,” Amy mentioned later that night, sitting criss cross on his bed as he was digging through his drawer trying to find his favorite pajama pants that he _swore_ he just washed and put back yesterday.

“I do? How? I’ve never stepped foot inside your house,” Jake looked over with complete confusion. It wasn’t exactly that he had been going out of his way to avoid ever walking past Amy’s doorstep, but two months was a bit of a stretch for him never actually walking inside her house when she lived across the street. He’d been on her doorstep, yes, but still hadn’t passed the threshold yet, and he was beginning to wonder how long it would take for her to comment on it.

“I have a drawer for when I steal one of your super soft jackets and wear them home. They’re kinda on rotation. I switch ‘em out when they start losing their Jake smell. You haven’t noticed me doing that?”

“Guess not,” he shrugged.

“Speaking of which, why haven’t you stepped foot inside my house yet?” Amy narrowed her eyes, and he had a face slapping moment for even bringing it up. Though it was a sure thing she’d already noticed it and just waited til now to talk about it (he was the one who didn’t notice things like jacket rotations or whatever).

Jake made a few hems and a few haws that pretty obviously weren’t going to cut it. Especially with the pointed look and raised eyebrow from Amy as she tapped her fingers and waited for an actual answer from him. She wasn’t going to let him go without one.

“Seriously, Jake? Come on, I know you must have some reason. Even though I know there’s a 75% chance it’s gonna be ridiculous. Just tell me what it is,” she signaled to him with a circling finger to get to the point.

“I was worried my avoidance of your place was starting to come off as rude by now,” Jake admitted, scratching the back of his neck. “It’s just - it’s just you and me here. When you live with your friend it’s just so much easier and less intrusive spending time together on this side of the street. Instead of me being the third person in your house, you being the second person in my house that will be completely empty if I’m over at your place with you. Like privacy or something. Also, your roommate intimidates me.”

“You won’t even meet her. She’s not that scary,” Amy scoffed and couldn’t be more wrong.

“Her threatening text messages are very scary.”

“Wait, what? What are you talking about? Text messages? Has she been texting you?”

“Like I said: _very scary_ ,” Jake reiterated.

“Why haven’t you told me that before? When did she start texting you? Why didn't you tell me? She's been threatening you? Over text messages? Why are you just telling me all of this now? Why didn't you tell me my friend's been threatening you through text? When did you guys even exchange numbers? Did you guys meet and just not tell me or something? She's actually been threatening you? Why did you wait until now to tell me my roommate started texting you threats? How long has she been doing that? She's been _threatening_ you?”

Amy looked utterly appalled and completely worried. And from what he gathered she had absolutely no idea what he was talking about, so the worried and appalled look was actually pretty appropriate. Though her worried face at the imaginary scenario she implied was pretty ridiculous - like it was some secret kept from her on purpose and she was worried about what possible reason he could have for keeping it a secret at all. Like her friend threatened him to keep her threatening texts a secret, or intimidated him into silence with some sort of promise of bodily harm if he told Amy her scary friend had been contacting him. Until this very moment he had no idea that it was a secret.

“I thought the texting was your idea. Like ease into acquaintances. She said you gave her my number to get to know me. She texted me for the first time like two weeks ago. And getting to know each other quickly devolved into threats from your very scary roommate. I thought you knew since it was your idea in the first place. I’m getting now that it wasn’t actually your idea, was it?”

“I never did that. She must have just swiped your number from my phone. I’m gonna kill her. Kylie’s been threatening you? I am so sorry. I’m gonna kill her, I promise.”

“Well I feel a bit dumb now,” Jake said with more of an amused look than anything at her insane best friend being completely insane, which was a better reaction than she was having at her insane best friend being insane. “Totally fell for that one. Though, in my defense, it's a lot harder to tell if someone is lying over text than in person. And it was pretty reasonable. Saying you gave her my number to get to know each other a bit more and ease into acquaintances seemed pretty believable at the time. It sounded like something you would do. Especially if your friend was introverted too, and it would be better or more comfortable or something than meeting an annoying people person like me in person for the first time. It seemed reasonable. Pretty believable, right? Then the threats started coming in. I haven't mentioned the threats since cause I was hoping that your scary roommate would warm up to me soon, and I wouldn't have to tell you that your get to know each other plan that was supposed to be all laid back and easy blew up spectacularly because your best friend really hates my guts. I've just been ignoring the threatening texts until they got better and not-threaty. I thought it was your idea though. The texting, not the threats. I didn't bring up that your idea of getting to know each other devolved into threats cause it wasn't that big a deal, and I didn't want to make a big fuss about how your idea of getting to know each other probably wasn't going as well as you planned it to go. And you never asked me about how your laid back acquaintances plan was going like it wasn't a big thing in the first place, just like an idea you tossed out to your friend just cause, not like something you were actually invested in. I thought you never asked about it cause it was more like one of those 'why not?' ideas than one that you thought actually mattered. I didn't want to make a big deal about how your why not casually throwing it out there idea was failing pretty hard after you put it into practice. I was more thinking 'why make a big deal about a just for the hell of it why not idea?'. But I thought it was _your_ why not idea that you obviously knew about since you were the one who came up with it. I haven't been talking about it cause I just didn't wanna make a big thing of it. I didn't want to complain and make a big deal about how your get to know each other idea wasn't really working. I thought I was not complaining about something that didn't really matter and you already knew about. I just didn't want to make a big deal about it.”

She was instantly less worried when Jake said he genuinely thought she knew. She knew both Jake and Kylie better than to think that there would have been anything close to illicit happening with secret text messages between her best friend and her boyfriend, though she _was_ worried about why she was just now finding out her boyfriend was being threatened by her best friend (and worried about what kind of threats she was threatening). She trusted them both wholeheartedly and knew that she didn’t have to worry about a secret text message thing being something worrisome relationship wise. She was worried what reason was bad enough that her boyfriend was being threatened by her roommate over text messages and why she was just being told all of this now. No specific reason came to mind, but she knew it had to be bad.

She stopped worrying at all when Jake explained to her that he was just finding out she didn’t know about it this second too. Not about the threatening part, obviously, but getting to know each other over text message part that her horrible best friend made up.

“I am really sorry my insane friend has been threatening you. I don’t know what I’m going to do to her yet, but I’m gonna do something,” she reassured him calmly, and Jake laughed. "Also, I think you're the only person who would ever consider threatening text messages 'not that big a deal'. Most people would think that's a pretty big deal, or at least a medium deal. And you like, what- didn't say anything cause you would feel bad making a big fuss over such a small thing? That's a small thing to you? You're impossible," she chuckled, shaking her head in affectionate disbelief. "I can't believe that's genuinely not a big deal to you. You _didn't want to make a big deal about it_ ," she laughed again.

“She says she resents me for taking up so much of your time. She was hoping you’d meet a nice guy who lived 20 minutes away so you’d only go see him whenever you were done being a perfectionist for the week cause you’re a workaholic. You guys used to be roommates in college, right? In an actual dorm? She says I ruined her plans of living in a huge bitchin’ house with her best friend by living across the street and making it so easy for you to be a perfectionist workaholic on your laptop at my place and stealing you or something. Here-”

Jake tossed his phone to her and she fumbled with it and dropped it with a sucky catch, but it landed in her lap when it fell through her hands, so no biggie. She grimaced at him- she always told him not to throw stuff, especially expensive electronics, but of course he never listened.

“I don’t see any texts from Kylie,” she mumbled as she scrolled through his phone.

“Oh yeah. Her number is saved in my phone as ‘don’t read after midnight’. So if I wake up at 2 AM still half asleep I don’t mistake the new message from a normal person because I forgot the only person I know named Kylie is a straight up psycho.”

“Oh my god, I’m gonna kill her,” Amy gritted as she read through the first of the very intimidating and very scary text messages her best friend sent him.

“Can you pretend you found out cause you were snooping through my phone or something? Cause I think she might kill me if she finds out I told you.”

* * *

_She brought more stuff over in the week following that conversation. Things to keep there. Leave there. More than just her last resort outfit, and more than just a toothbrush in his master bathroom. Jake thought his home looked a lot better with more of Amy's junk in it. A whole lot better. She also laid out about 20 pens on the coffee table in the living room a couple days after as a subtle, little jab to poke fun at his cat swatting confession._

“ _You think you're so clever, don't you?” He laughed when he saw the line up._

“ _Yup, very,” Amy smirked, placing a kiss on his cheek as she walked by._

* * *

_One day not long after, he noticed she left the novel she was in the middle of reading on one of the stands in the living room. He knew it was intentional. He gave her the spare key that was formerly kept in his junk drawer the next day, smiling so wide as he watched her add it to her key chain._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yup, yup, it's been forever since I've updated this, I know.  
> Thanks for the patience. :)
> 
> I wasn't really planning on bringing Kylie as a minor character much into this, and I'm still not sure I will. I guess I'll just go with the flow. As of now I'm not planning as having her be an actual /character/ character like she is in Marco Polo (other B99AU of mine).
> 
> We'll see about the fiscally responsible Gina-esque-threatening-texts best friend Kylie as we go along, I guess.
> 
> I think this chapter might have gotten away from me a bit. Passive aggressive cat pen swatting falls under getting away from one, doesn't it?  
> Or maybe... maybe that's true and it's been right in front of us the whole time. Maybe it really IS that simple. Jake Peralta is a kitty cat. I'll get back to you on that.
> 
>  
> 
> -  
> Or maybe it's just time for me to go to bed. Good night and rest well!


	8. Invite

“Oh god, they're having another office party. I always feel bad because everyone gets weird cause I never show up and everyone thinks I don't like them, and it's worse than neighbors and block parties because neighbors don't fill out your paychecks and write peer reviews,” Amy complained in a huff. Honestly, she just wanted to complain about it, and she didn't really expect him to respond with anything more than comforting/supportive words.

“I wanna go,” was his completely unexpected response. Amy gave him the weirdest look in the world like he just said the most nonsensical thing she had ever heard, and he kinda smiled with a semi-weirded out look back, trying to figure out why _she_ was looking at him so weird at that.

“No you don't,” she told him, completely straight faced. “They're awful and boring and _socializing_.”

“Amy, I know it's hard to believe, but some people actually _like_ socializing,” he teased her. “Even at things as awful and boring as block parties and office parties.”

She just scowled at his teasing, and he definitely couldn't have that.

“Aw, come on. I still haven't seen where you work. I'm never off in time to come drop by and see you. Ergo, socializing at a boring office party is absolutely perfect. Not everyone finds socializing at office parties and block parties as much of a chore as you do. Let me go be an awful neighbor with your awful coworkers,” he smiled- with an actually earnest and genuine smile, no less.

* * *

 

It took a bit more than that, but eventually he convinced her to let them both go.

She had to admit she might actually have a good time if Jake was there with her. Well, obviously it would still be awful and boring, but it wouldn't be that bad with Jake beside her and whispering funny observations in her ear and making her laugh.

Plus, she does feel a little bad about never going. She always, _always_ skips them, and it gets a bit awkward at work the next Monday following one that she has skipped yet again.

Stopping by for 10 or 15 minutes with her extrovert boyfriend would probably help smooth things over the weekend with her peers that write peer reviews, etc. etc.

So yes, he convinced her for the both of them to go. Oh joy.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ugh. Chronic illness + health issues do not for consistent updates make.


	9. Office Party pt 1

It... it wasn't bad.

She had been dreading it, and Jake even had to stop her from turning around and walking right back out the elevator they just stepped in and never looking back.

And of course the suspense of being in an elevator going up to the 8th floor with lots of awful, normal people that she was expected to mingle with wasn't doing her any favors. Not a single one.

But after they arrived and settled in a bit more, she realized something.

She was smiling. And laughing. And talking. She was actually _chatting_ with her coworkers and _having a good time_ doing it. She didn't feel awkward, out of place, self conscious, and utterly miserable like she usually did at 'casual' functions that usually felt anything but to her.

It was nice. It was actually really nice.

She had her arm wrapped around Jake in one of those sideway hugs the whole time, but she was actually enjoying interacting with her coworkers at a _social event_. She didn't feel awkward, she was completely comfortable, and the most surprising thing of all-  
she was having fun.

* * *

"Ugh, this is so boring. You actually like doing your taxes, don't you?" Jake teased her, spreading out the pile of papers on her desk and making a mess of all the sheets with numbers and letters and _god_ _so many numbers_. He knew he shouldn't be teasing her after begging her to sneak him back into her office, but he couldn't help it.

He looked back up to Amy who was just rolling her eyes at him, and smiled.

Before she could scold him for making a mess of her desk he carefully stacked her papers back up that he just spread out like a deck of cards, gathered them up in a neat little pile and straightened them on her desk.

"Seriously, how does your brain not go numb just looking at these?" He asked her.

"How can someone who hates numbers so much be trusted with educating the future generations? I weep for the students in your class, Jake," she taunted, sauntering over to her desk and budging him out of the way so she could put a paper clip to organize the paperwork that he just reminded her she had forgotten to clip together (which was really no fault but her own).

"Hey, I'm fine with numbers!" He whined at her scathing insult. "And I'm a great teacher!" (He protested only secondly)

"Long division is where I tap out. That's why I teach 3rd grade. Leave that to the 4th grade teachers. Actually, I used to teach 4th grade anyway, and I was fantastic at teaching long division. And I'm the best goddamn phonics teacher in the world if you were lucky enough to be in my class back when I was teaching second grade, so… hey, are you even listening?"

"Not really," she turned back to him, a devilish smile playing at her lips.

Having budged her boyfriend out of the way while straightening her papers meant that the back of her thighs met the edge of her desk when she turned around to face him, and Jake was practically crowding her in already.

One look at the really quite sexual smirk on her lips and his eyes widened, shooting back up to the look in hers, and she raised her eyebrow in a challenge when he got exactly what she had in mind

When he got what she was thinking right now.

And in a split second Jake was pressed against her, completely crowding her in back against her desk, the edge of which was digging into the back of her thighs before he lifted her up so her ass was balancing precariously on the edge, one of his legs pressed between hers.

"You're so mean," he murmured, his lips against hers, but not kissing quite yet.

"Only because I know you like it so much," Amy slid her hand up the back of his neck, curled her fingers in his hair, then pulled him into her so she could give him the kiss of his life.

* * *

"Okay, okay," she chuckled into their kiss, giving him a light shove before things progressed too far for the work environment. Jake's hand was still resting on her upper thigh as he snuck back in for one, two, three quick kisses that he stole away from her, drawing an honest to god giggle from her lips.

"Alright, mister. You're going to rumple my clothes," she chided him, and finally he backed up enough for her to hop down from her desk. Amy scuffed down her ruffled pantsuit, straightened the collar of her blouse.

"Ready to get back to it? Or do you still need my hot body for motivation before we head back to face the music and mingle?" He waggled his eyebrows suggestively.

"I think I'll be able to last," Amy scoffed (affectionately though), grabbing his hand and dragging him back to the party.

* * *

"Oh, really? What's her name?" Jake asked, right in the middle of a conversation with one of her coworkers. His arm was warm, wrapped around Amy's waist, hugging her hip really, as she leaned into him. It really was nice letting Jake do all the talking. He was so good at it. For one, he was actually interested. In what the people he was talking to were saying. He wasn't just making polite conversation, and people could tell. That he was so incredibly genuine.

It was interesting- nice, even- watching it. Watching him interact with a bunch of people who weren't her for an extended period of time. Of course she and her boyfriend went out and did stuff together, but having dinner together in a full restaurant was different than something like this. Whenever they went to the mall because a book that Amy had been eagerly awaiting just came out was a whole lot different from an office party or dinner party at some social event or another.

Yes, she really liked not having to talk or even bother trying to make conversation and just got to wrap her arm around his hip and snuggle into Jake while he kept chatting someone's ear off.

Where she could be quiet and comfortable.

She really liked that.

But she also liked getting to observe Jake being his little social butterfly self and being all smiley and genuinely having a good time.

"Sam. Sam Perish. She's in 5th grade this year with Ms. Helms. She can hardly wait for 6th grade. She's had such great teachers at Harvel, and she loves Ms. Helms, but she can't wait for middle school, you know?" Gene laughed.

"Trust me, I know," Jake shook his head with a chuckle. He tried to see if he could put a face to the name Sam Perish. All things considered, it really wasn't that unlikely to find that Amy worked with someone who was a parent to a kid that went to Jake's school. She had definitely never been in Jake's class, but he was sure the name sounded familiar for a reason. "Wait, did she have Williams last year?"

"Yeah," Gene nodded.

"I remember Sam," he grinned. "She had reading buddies with my class last year. Her buddy always got so excited and would interrupt her with all these questions, and she was always so patient with him, explaining that they hadn't gotten to that part in the story yet, and that if they kept reading they would find out all the answers together. Aw, I'm glad to hear she's doing well. You should tell her Mr. Peralta said hi."

"Thanks, I will. She's definitely going to get a kick hearing about how I saw one of the teachers from her school at my work party. And excited that you said hi, so that'll for sure be the first thing I do when I get home tonight. Thanks again."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, cause I'm the luckiest guy in the world, I broke my leg the same week of college finals back in December. And 7 days before I moved over 300 miles away. So that's where I've been lately.  
> (I'm not even caught up on all the b99 episodes- the most recent one I've watched was the Venue)
> 
> I know this chapter ends rather abruptly, but I wasn't planning on making this a two part chapter. But I realized I was definitely going to have to split up everything I had planned for the office party, and so that took a bit of adjusting. Sorry if this chapter seems a bit jarring.
> 
> Hope you all have a good day.


	10. Office Party pt 2

Amy had thought that they would only be there for 15 minutes, tops. But they’d been there for half an hour, and she still wasn't in any rush to leave. She guessed these office parties had always wracked her with anxiety and awkwardness because she wasn’t particularly close with any of the people she worked with (not even close enough for 'work friends’), so of course it was a million times worse when she went to office parties with her coworkers all by herself.

She knew a lot of it was Jake, though. Most of it, probably. If she had ever brought Kylie to an office party like this, she knew she wouldn't be as comfortable as she was right now.

Jake just had a way of easing her mind without even trying- just being there was always more than enough to make her feel calm and actually okay.

Really, if Amy had brought her best friend, Kylie would have made her feel less uncomfortable at this office party.

But Amy brought her boyfriend, and Jake made her feel _comfortable_ at this office party.

It was actually nice. A bit banal, but nice. The same way watching a rerun of Full House when it came on TV felt nice.

Plus, everybody loved Jake. Which of course she got.

She thought that most people might have felt upset or a bit jealous if they brought their significant other to a work event for the first time and all their coworkers paid more attention to their significant other than their colleague over the whole time they've worked together.

She thought most people would have been a little irked or a slight bit jealous of their coworkers being instantly taken with their partner like everyone was obviously instantly taken with Jake.

But she actually felt pretty proud.

It’s not that Amy was in favor of the concept of trophy wives and trophy husbands, but here, at her office party, where everybody loved Jake and she was feeling so proud at that- yeah, he was definitely her trophy boyfriend. At least, for the next 30 minutes he was.

* * *

He kept his arm around her the whole time. Or really, she kept her arm around him the whole time, and he followed her lead.

Because while they were normally pretty PDA-y, a work environment (even at a casual function) was a bit different.

And Amy _still_ bragged about how she was voted Most Appropriate back in grade school.

But no, she'd wrapped herself around him like they were just out and about. And he _really_ liked the weighted feeling at his side while she leaned into him, pulled him closer and held on, so they were literally attached at the hip.

His favorite part about that night was her smile.

He loved seeing that she was actually having fun. That she was actually happy and was having a good time. Genuinely smiling, and laughing too.

That was his favorite part. How much Amy was smiling. The best part of the whole night.

* * *

“Um, no, I haven't been told that before,” Jake replied, trying to be as polite as possible while trying to scan around to see if Amy had come back yet. Someone had pulled her aside and she told Jake she’d be right back because someone needed her help finding something, and he told her no problem and he’d go get them two cups of punch.

He was kinda regretting that now. Because now he was trapped in a conversation with a woman Amy worked with whose name he didn't really catch, and it was starting to get uncomfortable.

Actually, that was a lie. It started to get uncomfortable a good two minutes ago. It was very uncomfortable currently.

“Here, let me take those off your hands,” she offered for the second time, and she actually reached out for the cup in his left hand.

Jake almost spilled it on himself with how fast he pulled away when she actually touched his hand.

“No, no, thanks, I'm like, super thirsty right now,” he maintained, then proceeded to gulp down half the cup. It felt kinda awkward since he apparently wasn't used to drinking from a cup he was holding with his left hand, but it still didn't beat how awkward this conversation had gotten.

He didn't want to make a bad impression on Amy’s coworkers, especially since he wasn't sure if this lady was like Amy’s boss or something, but this was getting really weird now.

“Did you see where Amy went?” He looked over her head, not really expecting a reply. “She promised she would be right back.”

* * *

“Oh, no problem. Don't worry about it. I keep saying we need to do something about the filing room, and at least implement a new system, but as you can tell going through that horror that still hasn't been done yet,” Amy chuckled, walking back to the main room with Steve after helping him navigate the mess that was their filing system. He had only been working there for a few weeks, and just _looking_ at the filing room was overwhelming. She was very familiar with the, once again, _awful_ filing system, so when she heard Steve asking someone else at the party for help finding something he needed for a specific weekend project she offered to go with him and help him find it.

It had taken almost 15 minutes to find just _two_ forms, because even though Amy was pretty acquainted to the horrible organization they had going on down there, it was still a chaotic mess.

Steve thanked her profusely, and she found herself glad that she was actually there at the office that night so she was able to help him.

He was a nice kid, and was telling Amy how he just graduated from college 6 months ago. (He was also from out of state, but from Baltimore, not Chicago like she was). They actually kinda had some nice bonding on their scavenger hunt for those papers, and Amy was glad she got to know him better (and definitely empathized with him growing up with five older siblings, when she told him she had seven older brothers he just said 'I’m so sorry’).

“Thank you again. You're a total lifesaver. I can't believe I let these slip by me. I don't know what I would've done if you weren't here. Thank you so much.”

“Glad I could help,” she smiled.

When Amy got back to the main room she had to stop and think a second to remember where she left Jake. She scanned the room to find where he was waiting, a familiar smile spreading on her face when her eyes landed on him standing by the punch bowl.

His above average height made him pretty easy to spot, so it was never any trouble looking for that cute mess of brown hair in a crowded room.

Though this room wasn't really that crowded, and he was in her direct line of sight, so it only took a few seconds till that warm smile spread on her face when she found him.

That smile soon turned to a frown though, just as quick as it had come.

Because Jake was standing by the punch bowl.

So was Stephanie.

And it took 0.2 seconds to recognize how _blatantly_ Stephanie was flirting with him right now. It wasn't even subtle.

She just kept touching him. Had her hands all over him.

She kept placing her hand on his arm, and Jake kept trying to twist away from her without being totally rude.

And there were several problems with this situation. 1- Jake was clearly very uncomfortable, and even an idiot from across the room could tell that from his body language, so Stephanie standing right in front of him should have seen that too and _stopped_ making him uncomfortable. 2- Amy introduced Jake to Stephanie as her boyfriend that night, so come on, what the hell? 3- She just. Kept. Touching him.

Jake kept moving back, reflexively pulling away, almost flinching and

She

Just

Kept

Touching

Him.

“I’ll see you on Monday, have a good weekend,” Amy told Steve, without even looking. She was just concentrated on extricating herself from the conversation to go rescue her boyfriend from badly flirting women.

She barely noticed some sort of half confirmation as she straightened her shoulders and _confidently_ striding across the room to the punch table. Amy narrowed her eyes, she could actually feel a snarl picking up on her lips when Stephanie tried to touch his wrist and Jake almost spilled punch on himself trying to _not_ super obviously get his personal space back in a way that wouldn't come off as offensive.

He was so concentrated on avoiding Stephanie's 'casual’ arm touches and stumbling for an excuse to exit the conversation that he didn't notice his girlfriend suddenly standing right there.

“I- uh, really, I should, like over there,” he fumbled, hooking his thumb over his shoulder (still holding the cup of punch). “Cause, like, super interesting stuff in that corner. Heard some really great things from over there, so yeah, I'm gonna-”

Amy walked up to him and ran her hand up his back and neck, and Jake almost jumped out of his skin until he looked and saw that it was her.

It didn't take more than a moment for Jake to automatically wrap his arm around her, and Amy instantly snuggled into him, more than enjoying the surprised look on her coworker’s face.

“Hey, sorry that took so long. Thanks for waiting babe,” she said, standing on her tiptoes and leaning in to give him a quick peck on the lips.

When she pulled back she left her fingers to fiddle with his short curls, twisting them mindlessly in a maybe not so subtle claiming of him via PDA as she turned back to Stephanie with a sweet smile.

* * *

And maybe over the next couple of minutes she was being a bit more touchy than usual, and Jake was kinda looking at her with a curious expression, but not a bad one.

Amy was the one who kept up the polite small talk with her coworker, because she wanted to be all PDA-y with Jake in a very immature rub it in your face, this is _mine_ sort of way. A very aggressive, retaliatory sort of way. She wanted to get the message through. Mindlessly playing with Jake's hair while she had the sweetest, fakest smile on her face and talked about work next week- it was _very_ satisfying. And _extremely_ rewarding.

After Stephanie finally made her exit, Amy cupped her hand over his ear and whispered, “You wanna get out of here?”

“Please.”

* * *

As Amy led him into the parking garage she wrapped his arm around her, which he was more than happy with, but she seemed a bit off. Quiet and stiff in that determined, tight jaw, pursed lip sorta way. He would’ve made a comment about how she was practically marching him back to the car if he wasn’t actually starting to get concerned now.

“Are you okay?”

“Yeah,” she responded, not even looking at him. Staring straight ahead.

Jake chewed on the inside of his cheek before trying again. “Did something happen? Did I do something wrong?”

Without any warning Amy flipped them and suddenly Jake found himself being pressed up against one of the concrete pillars in the parking garage that they just passed, and before he could even make a sound in surprise she had already crashed her lips to his.

He was just walking beside her one second, and the next Amy was kissing him _voraciously_ like she wanted nothing more than to tear into him, but since they obviously couldn’t go much farther in a parking garage she was left tugging on the ends of his hair and biting him hard enough that she was sure had to hurt, but he was far from complaining. He was miles away from complaining.

Even though it was the last thing she wanted to do, she finally regained her composure and pulled away from him (the first thing she wanted to do was _him_ ). Jake’s face was flush, lips swollen from being crushed against hers, and had confusion written all over him.

Amy wrapped his arm around her shoulder again and started walking like nothing happened.

“I may have not appreciated Stephanie’s antics tonight…” she began rather noncommittally as they fell back into pace together.

Jake peered down at her. “Who’s Stephanie?”

“The redhead by the punch bowl. I mean, she could have at least _tried_ to be a little less obvious she was flirting with you.”

“Is that what that was? Oh my god, she was so touchy! Is that what counts as flirting nowadays?”

“Jake, that’s always been what flirting was,” she rolled her eyes with a genuine smile this time (which made him feel very accomplished). “Most women are just a bit more subtle with it and have the decency not to pounce on someone else’s boyfriend.”

“I’ve never heard of that. That touching thing is weird.”

Amy chuckled. “The fact that you’ve never noticed it before means it’s working.”

“Nah, I’m totally aware,” he brushed her off. “I would’ve noticed if the whole female population was using some sorta Jedi mind trick.”

“It’s not always a hand on an arm, just some form of touching. Like when a girl leans over your shoulder to help you find something, or fill out paperwork correctly. It might not even be physical contact, but just being close to someone. It’s the equivalent of when girls pretend to be bad at pool, so the guy will come over and show her how to do it ‘right’- do that whole get behind her and get the perfect shot. That move’s always done by guys, but they don’t seem to employ it anywhere else or even notice much when they do it.”

At any other time Jake probably would’ve complained how far away Amy always had to park from her destination, because getting back to the car was taking _forever_ , but he decided this was actually kinda nice. And maybe she was right about how when she parked in the back of the grocery store parking lot every time that meant that she never forgot where she parked her car, and maybe that was a more useful habit in this current maze of a parking garage- but he still probably would’ve complained how long this walk was taking if she didn’t have her arm around him and didn’t smell so nice and feel so warm.

“Now that you know what to look for, you’re going to see it everywhere. It’s most obvious in places like bars, being the flirting hotspots that they are, especially when they have pool tables, but it happens everywhere. It was one of the first tricks I picked up being a waitress- it was my first job, and I got that little tidbit from the more experienced servers. Touch a guy on the shoulder or elbow, and you’ll get a higher tip. Seriously, there have been studies. It’s a scientific fact.”

“Did you have a uniform?” Jake waggled his eyebrows suggestively, predictably latching onto the least important detail of what she just said.

“Yeah, khakis and a black polo,” she smirked.

“Sounds hot.”

* * *

When he was still a little reluctant to believe that touching-flirting was as widespread as she claimed, Amy only had one thing to say:

“Jake, I’ve seen it happen on you before.”

He gasped like she just accused him of some crime rather than simply (and kinda superiorly, she had to admit) stating a fact. “Have not!” He denied, voice shrill. “Touchy lady back there doesn’t count!” Jake pointed back in the direction of the elevators of her office building that they just came from, and Amy actually laughed.

“You know that nice blonde woman at your work that would help out the third grade teachers after school sometimes? I’ve seen her doing that when I’ve come to pick you up before. Cozying up a little too close helping you staple up something in the hallway,” she said, shimmying her hips for emphasis. “I’m pretty sure she stopped when she realized that we were actually dating. Trust me, Jake. She liked you. And she really is sweet. I almost feel a bit bad for her cause I just came in and swept you off your feet. You’re too nice and assume that girls that are being nice to you are just nice people, but half of them are just trying to work their way into your attractive pants,” she assured him, smacking his butt, and Jake actually jumped in surprise.

* * *

“Have you ever done it on me before?” Jake asked. He had to admit, he was pretty intrigued now. At her look of confusion, he clarified. “The touchy-flirty thing.”

“Probably,” she answered noncommittally, but he didn’t seem very satisfied with that. Amy sighed. “Like sometimes it’s subconscious and you just want to reach out and touch someone to kinda make sure they’re real and that they know you’re real too and it’s just something you do when you like someone or whatever. It’s not always an intentional flirting tactic, sometimes it just happens. And one time with someone else’s boyfriend may or may not be an accident, but she was practically frisking you!”

“Amy Santiago, are you _jealous_ ?” He asked with a shit eating grin, and she was waiting for this. Waiting for him to bring that up, because she knew it was coming. No way would Jake ever _not_ tease her about being jealous after finding out she wasn’t too happy with her coworker flirting with him.

“No,” she denied, and, at his doubtful look, “I’m not jealous! I’m not.”

“ _Sure you aren’t_ ,” Jake grinned, dragging out the syllables as if his sarcasm wasn’t readily apparent.

Amy groaned. He was definitely going to be lording this over her for the rest of the week at least.

“I’m really not,” she tried informing him again.

“You so are.”

“I’m not,” she maintained. “I’m not jealous. Not in the normal way. Like I trust you and all. And you looked so uncomfortable that I almost started laughing. It’s just… You’re mine. You’re completely mine, and it was just annoying to see her messing with you cause I’m the only one who gets to mess with you and get you all jumpy in a good way. I’m the only one who gets to bother you, and I’m the only one who gets to touch you.”

“So territorial?”

Amy neither confirmed nor denied that.

“Do you need to mark your scent on me?” Jake offered the most inviting smile, and she couldn’t help but laugh.

“I’m pretty sure my scent is already _all over you,_ Peralta.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this took so long to get out.  
> And in case anyone was wondering, what Amy says about there being scientific studies on how waitresses get higher tips just by an arm/shoulder touch is true. As a psychology nerd, I'm sorry for inserting this stuff in my fics. It's my passion™.  
> Also, Amy backing Jake up against things and kissing him is my aesthetic, apparently.


End file.
